Dear Brown Skin Girl you are beauty. Be bold, be confident, and be proud of who you are. Your insecurities, flaws, and unique features are what makes you, you. It is time to take your life into your own hands and learn how to define yourself. Here are a few tips on how to do just that!
1. Embrace The Skin You Are In
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
You are beautiful. Your head, eyebrows, eyelashes, nose, lips, breasts, and hips are all beautiful. Your mind, body and soul are all perfect the way that they are. You are not a burden, but if you do not embrace you for you, your mind will be your burden. Embrace your skin, awkward features, quirks, and faults.
Lydia Durairaj says in SheLovesMagazine: “As a child and through my teens, I was often told I had so many admirable qualities that could mask the one undesirable one: my dark skin.” As a young lady who has battled internally and externally with having dark skin in India and in America, she has now overcome her insecurities and has reached out to young girls through Women of Worth to tell girls they are good enough no matter what their surroundings may tell them. She has defined beauty beyond color and discovered there is more to life than focusing on that one “fault.” As brown skin women we are not a mistake, but a powerful gift from God. No matter what shade of beautiful you are, embrace it and never think of yourself as not good enough.
2. It’s Okay To Be Vulnerable
We all feel uncomfortable, afraid, uneasy, and most of all vulnerable at times—and these feelings are OKAY.
“When we do not respect our feelings, we are left to rely on what others want and believe.” ~ Stanley J Gross
Do not feel insecure because of these feelings, but do be sure not to stay in this confused space for too long. These emotions have the ability to overtake your mind and trap you in a dark place. When you feel like your head is spinning and you feel overwhelmed and emotional, a good way to think clearly is to be alone. Do not be afraid to be alone—this is your time to appreciate yourself, gather yourself, and love yourself.
3. Have Healthy Self-Esteem
“How do I feel about who I am?” This is a question you should constantly ask yourself. Know who you are; do not allow others to define who you are. There are two types of self-esteem: global self-esteem and situational self-esteem. As found in Psych Central by Stanley J. Gross, “Global self-esteem (about 'who we are') is normally constant. Situational self-esteem (about what we do) fluctuates, depending on circumstances, roles, and events. Situational self-esteem can be high at one moment (e.g., at work) and low the next (e.g., at home). Low self-esteem is a negative evaluation of oneself. This type of evaluation usually occurs when some circumstance we encounter in our life touches on our sensitivities. We personalize the incident and experience physical, emotional, and cognitive arousal, [and] respond by acting in a self-defeating or self-destructive manner. We feel upset or emotionally blocked; our thinking narrows; our self-care deteriorates; we lose our sense of self; we focus on being in control and become self-absorbed.”
A note to remember is that our self-esteem can always change, especially our global self-esteem. Although it may be difficult to raise, it is possible. The best way to lift your global self-esteem is to learn from your experiences and face your external and internal fears.
NO ONE is better than you and you are no better than anyone else! NO ONE is perfect, so please avoid perfectionism. When you are feeling low, refocus your line of thinking and point on the positives in yourself and in your life. Moreover, remove yourself from the negativity and overcome. Choose not to allow external forces to affect you and make you feel less. Not everyone is your friend; love everyone, but be careful on who you let into your life. A tip to remember is, "If you base your self-worth on the external world, you’ll never be capable of self-love.”
4. Do NOT Wallow In Self-Pity
Ladies, it is crucial that we practice self-care and positive self-esteem. Focusing on the negative aspects of your life and body can destroy your lifestyle, health, social interactions, relationships, work, faith, and future.
Commit to loving and accepting yourself. This is not a temporary job, but a forever-and-always job. Don’t be too quick to personalize every look, remark, facial expression, or body language someone else feeds you. Interfere with your own emotions and reactions first, before you allow this stressful event and environment to affect you negatively. Acknowledge your usual, automatic reaction and change it. Say no to the emotional abuse you or another may be causing. Misrepresentation and assumptions can be the death of a nation politically, over text, physically, and especially over social media.
Furthermore, you do NOT have to accept what other people say about you. Optional thinking can and will save many lives. If you are in a stressful environment, remove yourself and move past it—don’t think of this negative event as a dilemma in your life. You have control over your own life, not irrelevant people. At the end of the day you have to live with you—so you might as well get comfortable.
5. Accept Yourself (Faults and All)
I accept you, so you might as well accept you! If there is something you do not like about yourself, there are many ways you can make a difference (i.e., go to the gym, get some Proactive, eat healthy, go to the doctor), but do not ponder on your faults. Accepting yourself and knowing who you are should trump everything else. Love you for you and change for the right reasons. Do not change your image because of another’s discomfort; change for you. If someone does not accept you, actively do something about the stressful environment: move out of it or speak up. Even if it is negativity from yourself, talk to yourself and change the negative voice inside.
STOP focusing on the negatives in your life and realize that not everything is really as bad as you think or how people make it out to be. It is time to let go and leave your past insecure self behind. It is time to live for today, it is time to move forward, and it is time to stop allowing others and yourself to judge you.
6. Acknowledge That You are Blessed And A Blessing
You are a gift full of unique qualities. Embrace ALL of you, not just some of you. Acknowledge all that you have been blessed with. Use your beautiful smile and voice to express how grateful you are to be on this earth. Using your voice and focusing on you is not being self-absorbed; obsessing over your faults is being self-absorbed.
Self-love is full of self-acceptance, self-possession, self-awareness, kindness and respect towards yourself. You are worthy of self-respect and happiness. If you realize that you are falling back into negative thinking, then rewrite your internal script and replace the negative with the positive. Finally, “appreciate yourself; appreciate your talents, beauty and brilliance; and love your imperfectly perfect self”.
Final Tips From Tess Marshall:
“Begin your day with love, not technology, meditate and journal, talk yourself happy, get emotionally honest, expand your interests, enjoy life enhancing activities, become willing to surrender, work on personal and spiritual development, own your potential, be patient with yourself, be guided by your intuition, do what honors and respects you, accept uncertainty, forgive yourself, discover the power of fun, be real, focus on the positive, become aware of self neglect and rejection, imagine what life would look like if you believed in your worth, seek professional help."
