This topic, unfortunately, will speak to a lot of people. Too many kids grow up missing one of the parents that helped create them. I am one those kids. I grew up always wondering why I didn't quite have a family like my friends. I mean you don’t make a baby and not love it, right? Sadly this isn’t always true. I’ve grown up asking why he didn’t care, or why he hated me and here is my conclusion:

Sometimes kids are made on accident. It’s no lie that a good percent of us weren’t planned. It is also no lie that some of those parents weren’t ready to handle the repercussions of their doing. With that, they left, some of them were moms, but most of them were dads. Growing up, I always wondered why my father didn’t seem to want me other than for a few weeks in the summer. It hurt, it always hurts feeling unwanted, especially by a parent. It hurt even more when I would be left with other family members in those couple weeks. I love my family, don’t get me wrong, but I traveled four and a half hours, spent weeks excited to go, and just be slightly disappointed. As I got older the visits stopped. No one came to get me. No one called. I stopped getting cards in the mail. And I let it go. If they didn’t want me I didn’t want them, or him. This was all wrong, though, of course, I wanted and needed my father and his family but then and now I will treat others the way I am treated. I won’t try for attention when it’s not a mutual thing. I will hold grudges and appear strong, and that’s what I did as a little girl and continue to do.

This all also taught me a few things. You can’t expect everyone to live up to their mistakes. Not everyone can handle the responsibility and you can’t force their love. Maybe them leaving was a good thing, compare your life now to what theirs is and what they have. Where are you better off? It’s ok to be hurt and it’s also ok to be strong, for your sake. There is no need to attempt to hold onto who could leave so willingly unless they, too, reach out. You can roll your eyes when you get a random sticker from them on Facebook and not respond. Or you can simply “like” it and move on. You can stop waiting for the “Happy Birthdays” that don’t mean anything. And it is 100% to wish that your future kids never has to feel the same thing as you, or wonder why one of their parents doesn’t love them. It’s ok that you cried at graduation because they showed up uninvited because they weren’t there for anything else and didn’t deserve to see one of the greatest accomplishments in your life. Let the tears rolls, whether from pain and anger. And I’m not saying to forgive and forget, because I won’t ever, but I’m saying to live. Be who you are and don’t let someone that’s missing out on your great things hold you back. Do amazing things and make them wish that they were there to watch. I also stopped being embarrassed when I had to correct people that my last name wasn't the same as my mom's or my sibling's. I even came to terms with the fact that I won't get the I-am-a-lousy-father speech like Meredith Grey and I'm fine with it.

So you can tell me that I have “daddy issues” and I will completely agree. I have a lot of issues with my dad. But I won’t let that stop me from doing what I need to. My daddy issues don’t mean that my love life is messed up or taboo, it doesn’t mean that I seek male attention to fill a void. It means that I won’t forget how it felt being walked out on and forgotten by the man that gave me half my life. It means that someone made me stronger without even knowing it. I have a great man I refer to as my dad but it's just not the same as your biological father.