One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was dealing with people who disliked or hated me; it always bothered me to hear other people gossip or have a distorted view of who I was. I consistently dealt poorly with it - my confrontations were laced with anger and bitterness and I tended to lash out with my words and want to hurt the person how they'd hurt me. Nothing was ever resolved from doing that - calling people out on social media, trash talking someone behind their back, confronting them with harsh words - none of it resolved the anger I felt in my heart. No matter what I did I was still left with feeling bitter and hurt.
It wasn't until I started going to church and wanting to get to know God more that I learned the best way to deal with situations that involve other people disliking me. When I began applying what I learned from church and integrating my growing faith into all the aspects in my life, I learned that it made dealing with conflict much easier.
So, without the intention of coming off as "holier-than-thou" or trying to seem morally superior, I gathered here some verses and guidance on dealing with discord as a Christian which I hope will move you or at least be a good read.
Confrontation.
The trouble I had with this was that I would come at the other person in a completely disrespectful way. When a conversation begins with hostility, that sets the tone for the entire exchange. The person will automatically recoil and not want to open their heart or listen to what is being said; they won't want to deal with the situation at hand because of the way the first sentence was worded. It's important to incorporate the message with kindness and compassion, otherwise the talk will not be productive and both parties will end up more angry than when they started.
Proverbs 15:1 - NIV
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Empathy.
Even if you have done absolutely nothing to incite their anger or malice, as a Christian, it's important to think of what they might be going through at that point in their lives. Of course it doesn't excuse what they might have said or done, but it makes it easier to empathize and question why they might feel the need to lash out at others. Sometimes, broken people try to break others to feel better. It is a vicious cycle but can be ended with sympathy and understanding. Christ encourages us to be kind and understanding to one another.
Romans 12:15 - NIV
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
Ask what you did wrong, and if you can fix it, do so. If you made them sad, angry, disappointed, or feel any negative emotion, ask what you can do to right the wrong. A lot of the time it's hard to be gracious to people who have done nothing but impact your life negatively but Jesus encourages us to do so. What makes us Christian is our ability to love those who carry malice in their hearts towards us. Sometimes it feels like you're letting the person take advantage of your kindness but in Matthew 5:43-48, Jesus reminds us:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Handling an angry reply.
Once you come to someone with compassion and humility and earnestly tried to resolve the issue, all you can do is hope that they find it in themselves to want to resolve the situation. If they continue to be angry and show disinterest in actually coming to a solution, wish them well and leave them alone.
Prayer and forgiveness.
Colossians 3:12-14 says,
"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Forgiving others is important because holding onto the anger and bitterness will hurt you more than it will hurt the person who hurt you. It will eat you alive and you will not be able to grow holding onto the bitterness. Forgive them so that you can move on and grow. And pray for people who feel like they have to hurt others to feel whole. If the person who is gossiping about you or trash talking you isn't willing to reconcile or mend your relationship, they aren't worth your time or worry. Their negativity will just permeate your life and bring you down, so forgive them for feeling the need to try and hurt you with their words, and pray that they will find some peace in their lives soon.
Learning to be okay with being disliked.
What other people have to say about you shouldn't worry you. It's so easy to get caught up in the gossip and get hurt by what other people think of you but it's critical to remember that our value and worth comes from God, not what others think of us.
Galatians 1:10 says,
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."
You know your heart, your past, and your intentions. You know who you are; you've been with yourself your entire life. They haven't. If they don't care to ask or understand why you are the way you are or why you make some of the decisions that you do, they have no interest in mending your relationship. People hate what they can't understand. If you tried to fix your mistakes, and they still refused, you did all you could.
You are so much more than their words and their skewed beliefs of who you are. As long as you try as hard as you can to right your wrongs and build better friendships and relationships, that's all you can do. You can be the gooiest, most delicious chocolate chip cookie in the entire world - and there will still be people who just don't like chocolate chip cookies. And that's okay.
All in all, I hope this offered some sort of guidance on dealing with being disliked. I think too many tears are shed in bathrooms and alone in our rooms over people who aren't worth our time or worries.
So when you feel overwhelmed at the amount of hate thrown your way, just remember to hold fast. God will always be with you.
