Dealing with a loss is something that many people have experienced in their lifetime. If you haven't, you are very lucky. Whether it was the loss of a family member, an acquaintance, or a close friend, everyone grieves differently. As someone who has experienced the loss of loved ones early on, it never gets easier when someone says, "So-and-so has passed away."
I experienced the first loss of my life at the age of seven. At that stage in my life, I was still so young and didn't fully understand what was going on. My grandfather meant the world to me and in a matter of days, he was taken from me. Of course, it was hard to cope with, but at seven years old, I was able to deal with it better than my older family members. By nine, I had another person taken from my life. My best friend, David, was taken from this world so young. Not only were we a day apart, our families were the best of friends. We did so many things together, and those memories just don't disappear. I was two years older and still couldn't fathom my best friend being taken from me.
For me, coping with these two losses wasn't as long because I didn't fully understand my emotions at those young ages. To this day, there are random moments where I would think of the different memories that I had of them, and instead of getting upset, I just smile knowing that they are always watching over me.
High school was a rough time all around. Sure, in shows there will be a student or teacher that passes away and then for the rest of the hour they show the other cast members coping and moving on with their lives. If only it was that easy. Each year that I was in high school, at least one of my friends or peers had passed from various reasons: Cancer, diseases, accidents, etc. They all hit me in various ways. For the ones that I didn't know so well, I was saddened by their loss and my condolences were with their friends and family. When it was someone that I knew and were friends with, that's when it hurt a little more. Regardless, these people had lost their lives at such a young age, and when looking at it from that perspective makes it a little harder to cope with.
Cancer took my grandmother my freshman year of high school. While that was eight years ago, it still hits close to home. I was older than in previous years I lost people, and I understood more of what was going on.
Just recently, cancer also claimed the life of my nana. It happened so fast that in a matter of 25 days of being admitted into the hospital for other issues, she was gone. Being there for some of those last final days can really impact anyone. Sure, I love Grey's Anatomy and House, M.D., so seeing those machines shouldn't have been so bad. What made it horrible, was knowing that they were keeping my nana alive. It's been five days since she's passed and not a single tear has been shed. Seeing everyone around me crying and upset makes me think that I need to show my emotions the same way. Again, everyone copes differently. I have chosen to keep my mind occupied by going to the gym more, and packing and rep-packing my suitcase for the trip I go on in two days. I know that at some point I will break and start hysterically crying, but until then, I can't think like that.
I know that my friends and family are always there for me and for those that passed, are always watching over me. They would want me to continue living my life and being successful. It's hard to fathom that someone who has been apart of your life for some time: a year, nine years, or 22 years, is no longer around. But every day is just one step closer in seeing them again.
If you're dealing with a loss, I am sorry and, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know what you are going through and all I can say is that it will get better. You shouldn't try and cope like everyone else. Everyone copes differently and you are no different. It doesn't mean that you don't care, it just means that you are dealing with this loss on your own. You never stop loving them or thinking about them, you just continue living your life.
And as J.K. Rowling wrote in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, "The ones that love us never really leave us."
