Deadlier Than A Hairy Frogfish | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Deadlier Than A Hairy Frogfish

Pride

24
Deadlier Than A Hairy Frogfish
Business Insider

He's too busy. I know he's off today. But he probably has a to-do list longer than the now-deceased centipede that was recently evicted from my shower.

It will take too long to text him three sentences.

I don't want to selfishly bother him. It is his responsibility to say no if he can't help, but still.

He repeatedly vocalized his willingness to help, and he could arrive in five minutes. Well, speed limits only describe the lower limit of his speed, so actually two minutes but….

But asking for help requires the excruciating admission that I'm not Clark Kent or God. My maturity is too short to reach out for help. It's much easier to richly nourish my pride if this difficult task is completed with aid from me, myself, and I. We make a fantastic team.

If I shatter a bone or tear a muscle, I can embellish my story with bravery and strength. Everyone will admire the humor that I skillfully weave into my tale.

If I die, well I died trying.

If I succeed, the only one worthy to bask in the limelight of glory is me. Sure, I can say God created the neurons necessary to accomplish this task. But do you see my valiant efforts? Do you notice the depth of my dazzling deftness?

Even if you don't notice, I do. All. The. Time.

I don't stop and ask for directions when my GPS is drunk. I carry 50 bags of groceries up the steps in one trip. I move my gargantuan desk to the curb without a dolly. I set up tables faster than the other volunteers. I refuse to request your help.

And don't you dare have the audacity to ask if I need help or have prayer requests. Saving my pride has priority over saving time and energy. I know you are supposed to be the hands and feet of Jesus. And I realize we would both be blessed through the fellowship of this situation. But, seriously, stop expecting me to exercise humility. I don't do that.

Cease your futile efforts to ease my death grip on pride. Let my pride calcify my heart. Allow it to anchor my eyes to your weaknesses and my strengths. Ignore pride’s death grip on my compassion. And for the love of myself, do not speak harshly of anything that composes my identity. Regardless of any truth that is present in your words, it will mortally wound my pride.

If you must offer your help, help me to disguise my pride as humility. My ears insatiably itch to hear your praise. My ability to lucratively mask my motives with the sweet fragrance of humility is the best Lanacane. The more people who believe I'm as humble as a bumble bee, the better.


Inevitability, my pride will be discovered. It will be an explosion uglier and deadlier than a hairy frogfish. But until then, I don't want your help.
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Gilmore Girls
Hypable

In honor of Mother’s Day, I have been thinking of all the things my mom does for my family and me. Although I couldn’t write nearly all of them, here are a few things that moms do for us.

They find that shirt that’s right in front of you, but just you can’t seem to find.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

10 Reasons To Thank Your Best Friend

Take the time to thank that one friend in your life you will never let go of.

3186
Thank You on wooden blocks

1. Thank you for being the one I can always count on to be honest.

A true friend will tell you if the shirt is ugly, or at least ask to borrow it and "accidentally" burn it.

2. Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

A best friend will love you regardless of the stale french fries you left on the floor of your car, or when you had lice in 8th grade and no one wanted to talk to you.

Keep Reading...Show less
sick student
StableDiffusion

Everybody gets sick once in a while, but getting sick while in college is the absolute worst. You're away from home and your mom who can take care of you and all you really want to do is just be in your own bed. You feel like you will have never-ending classwork to catch up on if you miss class, so you end up going sick and then it just takes longer to get better. Being sick in college is really tough and definitely not a fun experience. Here are the 15 stages that everyone ends up going through when they are sick at college.

Keep Reading...Show less
kid
Janko Ferlic
Do as I say, not as I do.

Your eyes widen in horror as you stare at your phone. Beads of sweat begin to saturate your palm as your fingers tremble in fear. The illuminated screen reads, "Missed Call: Mom."

Growing up with strict parents, you learn that a few things go unsaid. Manners are everything. Never talk back. Do as you're told without question. Most importantly, you develop a system and catch on to these quirks that strict parents have so that you can play their game and do what you want.

Keep Reading...Show less
friends
tv.com

"Friends" maybe didn’t have everything right or realistic all the time, but they did have enough episodes to create countless reaction GIFs and enough awesomeness to create, well, the legacy they did. Something else that is timeless, a little rough, but memorable? Living away from the comforts of home. Whether you have an apartment, a dorm, your first house, or some sort of residence that is not the house you grew up in, I’m sure you can relate to most of these!

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments