3:00 AM - Yes, my day actually starts in the middle of the night, because my dogs like to wake me up by barking at nothing for ten minutes. First, Brownie, because he's a light sleeper and vigilant. Then, Peaches, because she's incredibly old, blind, deaf, and barks when she's spooked. Of course, Joy and MaeFlower follow along -- just for the heck of it. If you think your dog barking in the middle of the night is bad, try having four. I forgive them though, as they snuggle up next to me, and we all fall asleep.
9:00 AM - I awake with multiple dog butts in my face. Although we fell asleep cuddling side by side, Brownie at my feet, Peaches at my back, my arms wrapped around Joy, and Mae above my head... Somehow, by morning, everyone has moved but me. I wake up to a butt, and no matter which way I shift or roll, one is always in my face. Great way to start the day.
9:30 AM - I go to shower and brush my teeth, but because Brownie and Mae have serious attachment issues, they follow me into the bathroom and simply wait outside the shower for an hour (to protect me from shower clowns, I guess?).
10:00 AM - I make either popcorn or ramen for breakfast, because I'm a lazy, poor college kid and eat with four pairs of eyes staring at me. I try to retain my resolve, but it's early and at this point in the day they're still cute. So, I give them some of my leftover food.
11:00 AM - During the summer, depending on the day, I either go to the computer to watch Netflix or do homework. Even though my desk chair is entirely too tiny, my medium sized dog Joy scratches, barks, and tugs on my clothes until I let her jump on my lap. We both give up on trying to be comfortable, and she decides to take up the whole chair, sitting up to view the computer (which means now, I cannot see the screen).
11:15 AM - I stop trying to either be productive, or enjoy my leisurely time. I decide to get Whataburger. It's not only my favorite restaurant, but probably my dog's as well from the way they'll kill each other over a chicken strip.
11:30 AM - I return, open the door, and a floodgate of fur and tongues wash over me like I've been gone a million years. I set up my food tray, realize they didn't give me any salt. I go to the kitchen to get some.
THIRTY SECONDS LATER - All my food has been devoured, and what's left is slobbery and inedible. Even though they have mountains of dog food conveniently next to their doggy beds, they won't eat anything but people food. I either yell, or sigh, but know it's my fault for leaving their/my favorite food unguarded around four dogs. I guess it's time for more 30 cent ramen. I refuse to give them anything this time, and attempt to eat in private (although, at any given time there's always at least one dog per room).
12-4 PM - We all sit, half asleep/half dead, watching either Tiny House Nation, Walking Dead, or HIMYM. That's right. Not any one of us moves a muscle for four hours.
5:00 PM - I finally get up to pee, and when I'm done in the bathroom, I go to the kitchen for minute rice. I find that in those three minutes to myself, those four brutes have knocked over the trash can and tore everything up. Everything. Even the things they can't eat, like empty take out containers, is all shredded. I yell at them, and go to spank them, but they run to my room under my bed.
5:10 PM - This is when I discover where all my Victoria Secret bras went -- also shredded. Oh, and my childhood stuffed animal, the one I've had since birth...well, it's missing a head now.
5:15-6:00 PM - After mourning over the loss of $70 worth of panties and bras, I go to clean up the trash. This takes forever, because of how immaculate they were in creating a disaster (and because I spend most of the time griping). I wonder if they have a team plan, a system per-say, when wrecking my house.
6:01 PM - I finally get back to dinner, and then, because it's summer, I decide to make the most of my time by once again, lying still for multiple hours. The only difference is, this time, I'm in bed.
6:05 PM - But first, I have to get my laptop to online shop (a.k.a. look at things I could never afford). Walking into my bedroom, I discover my laptop charger has been destroyed. Not chewed up, not tethered, but has been methodically gashed in 12 different places. I look at my dog, Joy (our newest puppy), die inside, and calm down by watching LOTR.
694 Minutes (or 11 hours later) - The extended editions put me at peace, and I'm ready to sleep and repeat. Even though I know I'll wake up to find one of my favorite pillows or blankets torn to shreds, I forgive them -- because I love them.
