If you have depression, you already know how difficult it is to get out into the dating world. Even when you find your Prince Charming, you still feel like you're walking on glass. If you don't know what it's like, reading this, trust me, is not going to give you an idea. Living with depression and reading about it are two worlds apart. You don't know it until you feel it, but here's just a small feel for it.
You never have high standards, because you never feel good enough.
I had my fair share of not-so-great boyfriends in high school of whom I'm far from proud. Have you ever looked at your Timehop and thought, "Wow, I was dumb!" That's pretty much every day for me.
You have been in your fair share of abusive relationships.
Whether it has been a physically abusive, a mentally abusive, or an emotionally abusive relationship, I've been through it all. You let people walk all over you. You feel like this is what you deserve—you don't deserve to be treated like a person, because you feel like less than one.
You will jump right into a relationship when someone finds interest in you.
You feel like it is near to impossible for someone to be interested in someone like you. Once someone pays attention to you, it feels like you are on cloud nine. However, most people know that jumping into a relationship is the worst idea ever. With every relationship I jumped into, thinking he was "the one," I was cheated on seven times with four different guys, and most of these relationships only lasted about three months.
You fall in love fast.
I can admit I was that annoying girl professing her love after a month. It's not that I was in love—I wanted to be in love. I wanted to feel like I was done searching for the one, and this was it. No more games. Unfortunately, I was proven wrong every time.
You worry even when there's nothing to worry about.
Even if you're dating the most sincere and trustworthy man in the world, you will still worry when he tells you he is with a girl or he is going to a party. It's not that you don't trust him—it's that you do trust him. And that's the most terrifying feeling in the world. You worry because you care so much, and because of your previous heartbreaks, you can't help but feel what you have always been so used to feeling—worry.
You cry. A lot.
You cry when you're sad and you cry when you're happy. You're afraid to hold in anything because, well, you know that's just an awful idea. But every single time you cry, you feel bad about it. You hate crying to yourself, because you feel alone. You hate crying to someone else, because no matter how many times they say it doesn't bother them, it seems like sobbing to them every week isn't what they're looking forward to.
You always feel like a nuisance.
Depression has made me a great listener. The minute I start to talk about myself, I feel guilty. I feel like I shouldn't be talking about my boring life when someone else probably has a million great stories to tell.
You always feel clingy.
You need love. Once someone gives you their attention, you never want to give it up, because you believe it may never come back. So, whoever holds your heart also holds your undivided attention—100 percent of the time.
If I could have a penny for every time I have been told I'm a lot to deal with, I would be a billionaire. Depression has gotten the best of me, and after numerous trips to a therapist, psychiatrist, and years of anti-depressants, no matter how hard I try, depression still follows me around like a black cloud. What gets me through it is knowing that I'm not alone.Millions of people my age are dealing with the exact same thing.
If you're dealing with depression in the dating world, take my advice. Set your standards as high as possible. You deserve it. Once you find someone to treat you right, who you can trust, and who can love you as much as you love them, never let them go. It's going to be difficult for awhile, because you feel like you don't deserve it, but you do.
And the great thing about dating with depression is that once you find the one—the one you think of when you wake up and fall asleep; the one you think of and just smile; the one who makes you feel beautiful (not a nuisance, not clingy); the one who treats you right; the one who makes you forget about your depression—you'll cherish them and love them more than anything. And it will feel awesome.
Yours Truly, The Girl Who Knows How Difficult It Is.