Far too often I have come across friends who have met "someone new."
They begin to blush and talk about them, hearts in their eyes, excitement in their voices. They bask in the glow of newness that comes from those first few encounters of flirting and witty banter.
And that is the norm for people my age. College kids are always meeting new people, going on first dates, hanging out with perfect strangers for the prospect of happiness (however momentary).
College kids have so much in common with classes, dislike of certain professors, money problems and time management fails, but sometimes it’s hard to look past these general common attributes.
But what so many of us don't realize is that dating culture in college is so different from the one we grew accustomed to in high school.
1. For starters, dating doesn't always insinuate dates.
Sometimes there is no first date in college, or if there is, it's on campus. You use your campus bucks or dining dollars to pay for one another's meal because your parents already bought it, and no one wants to text their mom asking for "date money."
Often we start dating someone because we have classes together and that long block of eye rolling and sighs becomes hanging out with that cute boy you sit next to.
2. Meeting the parents becomes a very big deal.
When you live hours from home, there comes a time when the road trip to meet the parents comes around. You drive the long distance, often stay the entire weekend, and get asked a million questions.
In high school, you probably already knew their parents and their siblings. Now you know nothing and none of them, and it's a terrifying endeavor. I mean, what do you even wear to these kind of meetings?
3. Alone time becomes time spent with them.
Before you started dating, there were nights spent alone watching Netflix in your sweatpants, binge-watching and binge-eating. Now, when you finally get a moment to relax and unwind, you find yourself spending time with your significant other. What happened to "me time"? College happened. That's what. And there is no "me" in "college." There are no longer afternoons after school when you can go home alone and unwind because chances are, your significant other lives less than a mile away. There is no distance to recuperate in.
4. Your friends are his friends, and his friends are your friends.
A lot of the time, you meet through a friend, or a friend of a friend, or a friend of a friend of a friend at a party of someone’s you don’t even know. So talking about them to your friends means knowing everything you say about them is going to get back around to them. Also, if you break up, it's inevitable that you’re going to see them again. You go to a party and boom, they’re there with some new person because it’s their friend's party, too.
5. There's often no time or money to actively date.
And that’s totally fine. When it comes down to paying your lab fees or taking her out to dinner once a week for the entire semester, I’m betting it’s better in the long run to save that money for school. It’s always important to remember that if he doesn’t ask you out on a million dates, it’s probably because he’s preparing for his future (which is exactly what you should want in a partner anyway).
6. Dating for marriage?
In high school dating is for image. You want to date the head cheerleader or the captain of the football team because that’s what we see in the movies. But when you’re in your 20s, your Instagram is suddenly flooded with photos from weddings or snapshots of engagement rings and suddenly everything seems a lot more serious. You begin to think about marriage and growing up. You no longer want to date because he’s cute and tall and can get you cheap alcohol. You want to date someone with a future, with a goal in mind. The dating game suddenly changes into a competition for the best suitor.
So while dating in college is a fun, exciting thing, it's important to keep in mind how different it is than high school dating. It's a whole different ball game, played with all different rules. The important thing is to learn the rules and play by them and hopefully you'll win the love of your life.
