When I was about six or seven years old, I was waiting in line at my local Wawa when a woman standing behind me ran her fingers through my hair. She exclaimed, "Your hair is so pretty!!" and in all my adolescent glory, I responded with, "Yes, I know" (kids can get away with saying things like that). I was promptly redirected by my parents, who informed me that you can't respond to a compliment with "I know." And I thought to myself, well my hair must be pretty since strangers out in public are always trying to touch it.

I believe every person with textured or curly hair can relate to the above anecdote and probably have a multitude of stories just like it. You would think our hair illuminates in the dark, like a fluorescent sign screaming "TOUCH ME" given the way random hands reach towards us. Along with the grabbing hands usually comes the comment of them wishing to have hair like ours, all while ruining the curl pattern of the strand they're tugging on. If others knew the amount of effort, product and detangling that went into maintaining textured hair, I wonder if they would still want to trade in their pin-straight, silky locks. If others knew that curly hair was a contract that bound you to a life of unwanted touches, I wonder if they'd rethink their wishes.

Sometimes having curly hair can make you feel like a walking attraction that others want to reach for in fascination. That is why it came as a relief to me to see that my new roommate had curly hair as well! I thought, finally someone who will understand the struggle and can bask in the scent of Cantu and Shea Moisture with me. I was even more relieved when she actually ASKED for permission before touching my hair. I assume she too has gone through the same motions of unwarranted fingers finding their way to her hair which is why she had the common courtesy to ask before reaching for mine.

So, you might be asking, "What's the big deal?" or "Well, why can't I just touch it?" And the answer comes in three parts.

I don't know you.

Having your hair fondled by a complete stranger is definitely not the same as it being affectionately touched by a family member or significant other. If I don't know you, chances are I don't want your hands entangled in my curls. Hair is something very personal to an individual—you can't just go around thinking it isn't, which brings me to my next point.

Personal space.

You don't see me running my hands through a random cashier's hair at your local Shoprite, do you? No, because I understand the personal boundaries that each member of society is entitled to. Having curly or textured hair does not waive a person of their right to personal space.

Do you know how long it took me to style it?

Everyone with coiled, wavy, or kinky hair can agree that it nearly takes a scientific equation with the right amounts of leave in conditioner, oils, and other products to get our hair exactly the way we want it. One wrong tug can mean dealing with frizzy, lifeless curls for the rest of the day. If you like our hair so much, respect it enough to leave it the way it is.

That being said, the compliments don't go unappreciated and, of course, people's intentions are pure, but it is ultimately a matter of respect and personal space. The next time you see someone with textured hair, either ask for their permission to touch it or allow your admiration to go without grabbing hands.