“Hi how are yo-” “I want my milk double bagged.”

That’s how most interactions start at the grocery store I work at. To me it’s honestly one of the rudest things in the world because I haven’t even finished my sentence and the customer is already barking orders. And RIDICULOUS orders at that.

I mean why in God’s name do you NEED your milk in a bag? That is one thing that genuinely doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, I completely understand bagging a half gallon of milk because you can put other things in the bag- some cheese, yogurt, a dog, etc.But with a gallon of milk it’s different.

When you bag a gallon of milk you can’t put anything else in the bag. ALSO, the gallon is usually so heavy that if you don’t double bag it, the first bag stretches and rips and then you have milk all over the already dusty, sticky, disgusting floor. It’s a complete waste of plastic bags.

But that still doesn’t answer my question: why do you need your milk in a bag?

“I live on the third floor, I have a lot of stairs to climb.”

“I don’t want to drop it.”

“If it’s not in a bag, it will spill in my truck.”

“I have small trolls that live in the trunk of my car that love to drink milk, but they’re afraid of plastic bags so if I have my milk in a plastic bag, I can make it home with my milk still in tact.”

Every single one of these claims is absolutely stupid. Except for the last one, I really feel for that last guy and I wouldn’t mind TRIPLE bagging his milk. But seriously, I absolutely LOATH when people tell me that they want their milk in a bag so it doesn’t break because that statement makes absolutely no sense.

If you have your super heavy gallon of milk in a flimsy plastic supermarket bag, odds are the bag is eventually going to rip and your milk is going to go tumbling through the air to the hard asphalt where it will meet it’s cold, hard fate, and then there will be milk spilled all over the ground and I mean you just paid $3.99 for that milk but now you have nothing to show for it but a broken plastic container, a ripped plastic bag, and the cold wet asphalt below your feet. And who’s to blame? That’s right mister, nobody but yourself.

Now, say you weren’t a complete idiot and just decided to carry your milk by the convenient handle on the side that the designers from the manufacturer specifically put on there for you to carry your milk by, you wouldn’t have to deal with a flimsy, stretchy plastic bag that will eventually rip and leave your milk all over the floor.

So in conclusion, if you choose to be an idiot and you choose to carry your milk in a plastic bag instead of by the handle, you must know two things.

1. I hate you
2. When your bag rips, remember that there’s no use crying over spilled milk

Sincerely, your friendly neighborhood cashier that genuinely hates her job

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