During a job interview a few weeks ago, I was asked the impossible question of what my biggest weakness is. After racking my brain for the safest response and the one that would make me appear as professional and confident as possible, I said that my biggest weakness is that my fear of failure prevents me from taking risks. I attempted to flip my answer so that it conveyed some redeemable qualities, explaining that I have since overcome the fear and gained enough confidence in myself to go after opportunities out of my comfort zone. It wasn’t a total lie, but I’ve always felt slightly apprehensive when there’s a chance I may feel like I’ve let myself down, sometimes leaving me terrified of seeing myself as a failure.
I’ve never been the type of person who can do or say things without thinking, and I’ve always slightly envied those who can make decisions or speak up without overanalyzing their actions beforehand. A teacher of mine once told me that my biggest problem is that I think too much before talking in class discussions. At the time, I couldn’t understand how this would be a flaw of mine. How could it be a bad thing if I was thinking about what I was about to say instead of just blurting out the first thing that came to my mind?
I realize now that my teacher was basically telling me that the only thing holding me back from speaking up and sharing my own opinions was myself. In this case, my problem isn’t just thinking about what I was going to say, but rather thinking too much, getting too in my head, and missing an opportunity to let my voice be heard by second guessing myself. Although his comment referred to how much I participated in a certain class, I have since thought about the ways this same self doubt has held me back in other parts of my life.
When I was applying to colleges during my senior year, I went through what seemed like one of the most daunting periods of my life. Up until that point, I had never had to directly confront my fears of taking risks and putting myself out there. While I knew I would be devastated if I didn’t get into a college I liked, I was equally afraid of feeling unwanted and like a failure when met with rejection. I became totally consumed by the anxiety of letting myself down: I couldn’t sleep the night before I received my first college response, and spent the next day avoiding opening it until my parents forced me to. When I actually got accepted to college, instead of feeling happy and proud of myself, the first thing I felt was relief—I could finally let go of my worries.
My fear of putting myself out there and getting rejected was all I could focus on, even when I actually achieved my goals—and I know I’m not the only person who has something let themselves do the same thing. During a conversation with a friend of mine today, she told me that she does the exact same thing, going as far as to sometimes procrastinate before applying for a job out of the same fear.
As I explained my biggest weakness in an interview, I realized that the positive thing about lacking self confidence is that it’s all in my head, and that it’s not permanent. It wasn’t the comments I made in class that my teacher criticized, nor was it my college responses that defined me, but rather a fear I had created myself. Today, I know there’s nothing wrong with thinking before I speak, as long as I don’t let it stop me from saying anything at all.
