What It's Really  Like To Have An Asian Mom

Trust Me, 'Crazy Rich Asians' Really Captured What It's Like To Have A Badass Asian Mom

I mean all moms are badass AF

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If you haven't seen 'Crazy Rich Asians' please drag your ass to the movie theater and do so. My first thoughts when I saw the trailer were "Oh god, the stereotypes, the horrid Hollywood Asian humor, please let it end" but NOOOO, it was so much better than I expected it to be.

'Crazy Rich Asians' is about an Asian American NYU Economic Professor flying to Singapore to meet her super hot boyfriend's family, who are high society socialites that are crazy rich, hence the name of the movie.

Entertaining yet educational (in some way), the movie perfectly (in my opinion) captures the struggle of being Asian American; you're not "Asian" because of where you were raised and not "American" because of how you look. It's a hard life we have. However, what I really appreciate most about the movie is how they portrayed Asian mothers.

I'm trying really hard not to give away any spoilers but I'm the worst when it comes to keeping secrets so I'll try my best.
Asian mothers will do anything to give their children the best but I swear if they could sell a limb, they would; if it meant giving their child a brighter future, they will do it. This really hit close to home for me because I know my mother to be the most hardworking woman in my life.

I grew up in a studio in the middle of Bangkok, Thailand. Although we lived in a small space, it never felt like I had less than anyone else at school. My mom made sure I had the best toys, the best clothes and some time in the 90s I had a freakin computer. I grew up with plenty. I didn't know how hard she worked until now when I've been rewriting her resume.

My mom has been unemployed for a solid few ten-ish years and this was due to the fact that my family decided to start their own business but also both my brother and I needed supervision at home. We were wild children LOL. During her years of being a housewife, she made sure we were well fed and had a clean living space, and while doing all of that she would pick me up and drop me off to all my fencing classes that were every day after school and seldom on the weekends. Her life revolved around the family.

Before unemployment, my mom was a true hustler, worked any job she could find and when we moved to America, she double shifted as a waitress in various restaurants. I do the same now so I know how hard it is. Even though she got off from work at 2 am almost every day, she still made sure I made it on time to school.

So many of my emotional strings were pulled watching this movie but one specific point in the movie that really got to me was the moment Rachel saw her mom in her time of turmoil. Her mom is her best friend and so is mine. I am a sucker when it comes to seeing my mom during stressful times. That woman makes me cry!

Rachel's mother, at the beginning of the movie, explained to Rachel how she wasn't full Chinese and so many times in my life my mom had done the same. Being a mom of an Asian American girl is hard -- you're instilling traditions and culture but at the same time encouraging them to break those very same traditions and shatter stereotypes. As a mom, you'll accept them as they are because they are your children.

Referring to Nick Young's mother, Eleanor, the matriarch of the Young family, although she may seem like the bad person, at the end of the day she is just trying to look out for her son and her family name (which is a huge deal in Asia, lame but true).
All mothers are great mothers, not only the Asian ones. I only talk about my mom in this instance because of how the Asian mother is portrayed in this movie, which is quite accurate.

All in all, it was a great movie. It really had nothing to do about race and it's just another love story on the big screen. This movie is groundbreaking because of the full-blown Asian cast with a great storyline. I would love to see more of the Asian community on the big screen in all categories and not just in the stereotypical action genre.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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Blocking Toxic Family Members Can Be Just What You Needed

It isn't an easy choice but it can be the most rewarding.

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I haven't written for the Odyssey in quite some time due to this large issue in my life that I feel some people may also need to hear. Watching your parents go through a divorce can be difficult in itself, but what about having to remove one of your parents from your life at the same time? It's something I don't think many people could imagine doing. However, sometimes you are forced into the position between choosing what is best for your mental health or what is expected of you. For me, I realized that I needed to put myself first.

I realized that I am my own person. How I present myself and how I act and what I choose to believe in is how the world perceives me. I was faced with a parent who did not let me be who I am. The way I thought had to be in line with theirs. What I openly spoke about had to be in line with that parent's thoughts. This also, in turn, meant I had to revolve how I was perceived to the world around that parent's family. I had to abide by these societal norms and do what someone else expected of me. I realized that was ludicrous.

This parent was also abusive. They were toxic and manipulative and I could not stand idly by and just take that from them while also trying to become an independent young adult. I was forced to sit and watch one of my parents transform into someone I didn't recognize anymore. I had to watch them ignore any kind of reality checks and continue to feign innocence. I watched one of my parents mentally manipulate people I once called family into believing lies. I kept my head down and shut my mouth and kept taking the abuse. Now I'm at a point where I can confidently say that I am no longer afraid.

I was forced to cut ties with a parent that raised me, cared for me, attended school functions, fixed toys, bought me my first phone. I was forced to chuck out priceless memories for my own sanity. I could not sit idly by and allow myself to endure one more second of lies or abuse. I had to stand up for myself for once in my life and I blocked most of my family. I blocked cousins, aunts, uncles, and godparents. I changed my phone number that I had since 6th grade. I gave no warning and disappeared from my family's lives. Do I have regrets? No. I would do it again if I had to because I am so much stronger than sitting there and taking it.

I will have one less parent at my college graduation, which I am fighting so hard to achieve. I will have one less parent at my wedding. My future children will have one less grandparent. I mope in these thoughts but then I have to remember the other side of things. I will not have an unsupportive parent at my graduation and instead will have those that were there every step of the way. I will lack someone who was toxic at my wedding. My future children will never have to face the same abusive, toxic situations that my parent put me through. It was a difficult decision to make but one that I know in my heart is worthwhile.

Cutting a family member out of your life is difficult enough but cutting a parent is unimaginable. However, no one deserves to go through abusive situations. It shouldn't matter who the person is; if someone is treating you less than you deserve to be treated, they have no use being in your life. You should always be your first priority. You should never have to endure something for the sake of others. I am here to tell you that you are more than that and that cutting out a family member could actually be the best thing for you, even if it's incredibly difficult. I did it and I'm still here. It made me realize who my real family was, and there will never be enough thank you's in the world to show my mother just how much I appreciate her.

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