Long distance relationships: the bane of any college student that has found love prior to leaving. I myself have been in a relationship for five years, beginning in my freshman year of high school. My boyfriend and I decided that we'd rather try long distance rather than give up. Our freshman year of college was one of the most difficult years of our relationship, but I'm here to give you my tips and tricks to making your LDR work for you and your partner while you are apart from each other.
1. Be Honest, Always.
It's easy when you're away from your significant other to either stretch the truth, leave things out, or just plain lie because the chances of being caught in the lie are small. But I'm telling you right now, once that trust is broken it's almost impossible to repair when you can't work on it in person. It's immensely easier to just be honest. Whether it's how you're feeling, if you're struggling, if you're upset, if you're doubting if it's worth it. Be painfully honest with what's going on.
2. Address Issues As They Arise.
Like I said above, there will be times where you doubt if this is worth it. If you begin to doubt, talk about it as soon as possible. If you let those negative feelings fester, it can be toxic to the relationship. If your partner upsets you, address it. Don't let a small issue grow into something that will cause you to resent them. It's very easy when you're apart to just hide what's bothering you, but remember, you're in a partnership, you're not in this alone.
3. Make Time For Each Other.
Make time. Make time. Make time. I cannot stress this enough. Pick one evening a week to FaceTime or Skype, plan a Netflix date where you pick a show and watch it at the same time and comment on it. Send pictures of what you're doing at the current time. Include them in your daily life as much as you can. When you can do little things to close that distance it makes it feel like you're actually in a relationship, not an LDR.
4. Do The Little Things.
One of the easiest things I've found is to use that student Amazon Prime and send them random gifts. Candy, socks, chips, anything really, it's much cheaper than sending a care package and it'll be there in two days instead of two weeks. Things are pretty cheap on Amazon, you can spare three dollars to make your partners day, I promise. Or write them a letter and send it to them, stamps aren't that much and they'll adore a heartfelt letter that's just for them.
5. Keep Busy.
One of the biggest issues for me is idle time when I'm not doing anything or I'm alone and I miss my boyfriend infinitely more than when I'm occupied. Join a club, study, do intramurals, something to keep yourself busy so you don't dwell. Encourage your partner to do the same if they have time. (Remember that school comes first, your major is important.)
6. Be Intentional In Communicating.
It's incredibly easy for texting to become casual. You won't really talk about anything important, or what's really going on. The default is surface level communication; make sure that you both put effort into talking about your day, be detailed in events, talk about small things that are bothering you. One day last year, I talked to my boyfriend for about 45 minutes about how frustrated I was about the fact my vacuum wasn't working as well as it should. It was a stupid, small conversation, but that's real life. When you're together, you talk about anything and everything and those little conversations are what bring you closer. Don't allow your conversations to become endless cycles of, "How are you?" "Good, how are you?" it's not beneficial.
7. Be Realistic.
Sometimes, relationships don't work out. Sometimes the distance is just too much, or you decide you'd rather be able to date people on campus. If you begin to feel like your relationship just isn't cutting it and you've tried to make it work, end it. Don't prolong the inevitable. If you keep in your relationship longer than you want to, you're just hurting yourself and your partner more. One of my good friends was in one and they judged the quality of the relationship by when they were together for two weeks every semester, that's not right. You have to judge based on what's more common, which is distance. Remember that sometimes you have to put yourself first, gaps will form in this time apart. If they become too much, do what's best for you. No relationship is worth you being miserable.
I hope you all have a good school year, that your relationships remain strong and steadfast, that things are easier than you planned, and that it comes naturally to you. It's not going to be easy, but if you're intentional and passionate with each other it'll keep getting easier and easier. Long distance relationships aren't the end of the world, just the end of the world as you know it. It'll quickly become your norm and you'll live with it like there's nothing different.
