I want you to be the best crappy coworker ever. I want you to go to work and feel as though you have every right to be as gross, rude, mean, and annoying as you please. But if you're going to do this, you have to do it right. Here are some essentials to get you started.
1. Don’t replace the toilet paper.
No, Karen doesn't need toilet paper when she goes to the bathroom. Even if she did, why should the responsibility fall on the shoulders of the last person who used it? That makes no sense.
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2. If you do replace the toilet paper, do it incorrectly.
Don't even give a second thought about this. In fact, just set the new roll on top of the empty one.
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3. Leave food in the fridge to rot and ignore the email blast about it.
I'm sure that smell is coming from somewhere else. But even if it was coming from your food, don't throw it out until you're good and ready.
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4. Don't do your job.
You know you aren't the only one that doesn't actually work. So I'm not sure why they keep bugging you about boring work things. Just ignore them.
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5. Play loud music and get mad when someone turns it down.
What should anyone expect? If you can't respect personal space, why should you respect their working environment in general?
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6. Ask a question and then make it obvious you aren't listening.
I mean...you do need to know the answer to the super important work-related question but if it takes brain power to comprehend what the person is saying, there just isn't any point in listening. If your boss asks, tell them your coworker didn't answer your question at all.
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7. Interrupt meetings to talk about something not all related to the meeting.
No meeting should happen without you as the center of attention. Ever.
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8. Talk behind coworker’s backs.
If they didn't want someone to talk behind their back they wouldn't wear leggings so much.
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9. Leave the lights on in every room you enter.
Who honestly thinks about that when they leave a room? WHO?!
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10. Only make enough coffee for yourself.
I know the company pays for the coffee but if someone else wanted coffee they should have made it themselves. So you go ahead and completely ignore Saundra falling asleep at her desk, who you know has 4 kids and works another job. Oh...and never clean the coffee pot.
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11. Talk over everyone, including clients. Don’t let them get out a full sentence.
No one has anything to say that's more important than whatever is about to come out of your mouth. Might as well not even give them a real chance.
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12. Judge everyone else's eating habits...even though you eat like crap.
Tell everyone how bad their eating habits are. Then bring donuts to work. Eye them funny when they have more than one. *Don't let them notice you took 3.
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13. Give opinions about a department you don’t work in.
Stick your nose in everything. Then after giving your opinion, don't hesitate to let them know that even though you have no idea what anyone is talking about, they definitely still need to listen to you.
via">http://giphy.com/gifs/pay-attention-im-talking-HVX... GIPHY
Alright, this should be enough to get you started. Feel like I left something out? Let me know what else makes a crappy coworker in the comments below.
