1/17/18
Potential Girlfriend
Heaven Productions Inc.
101 Wife-Material Blvd
Breathtaking Town, United States of Gorgeous 568359
Dear Ms. Beautiful,
During a recent vacation, my family's car broke down at a vineyard. Usually, if your car breaks down on vacation, the rest of your vacation is going to be ruined. However, due to my quick thinking and mild wine intoxicated state, I was able to fix the car in minutes.
If you are looking for a boyfriend who can not only fix your car but is also classy enough to know decent wine, then please accept this letter as my formal application for your open boyfriend position.
I currently study at Texas Tech University where I major in physics with two minors in math and actuarial sciences. I am a nerd in terms of general intelligence, but I have also been tested as a 96% face match with Ryan Gosling (link). I am listed as single on all forms of social media, including my tax forms.
Not only do I have previous short and long-term relationship experience, but I also have a set of skills that make me an ideal boyfriend candidate. These skills include being an amazing listener (I rarely speak) and an excellent cook (I've challenged Gordon Ramsey several times). I also maintain a great sense of humor. Some of my other great boyfriend skills include: possessing expert level navigational skills, training in first-aid administration, self-taught bartender and sommelier, wanna-be world traveler, gym participant, and a lifetime of general handyman skills with the ability to fix almost anything.
I have participated/won several bare-knuckle brawls so I will be able to defend you in physical confrontations. I once coded a 300 line program for a research project so I am very versed in all areas of tech. I can set up your router or brand new printer easily.
I am a good dancer, and I won’t embarrass you on the dance floor. I also managed a fire Spotify account while keeping a quality Instagram and Twitter presence.I have been told that I am a good kisser and hand holder, but I am sure you would rather rate those abilities for yourself.
If you accept me as your boyfriend, not only will you be receiving a ride or die companion who will be there to hold your hair while you throw up copious amounts of strawberry margaritas, but also someone who is able to cook you a three Michelin star breakfast the next morning guaranteed to cure a hangover while also finishing your math homework.
I certainly hope to have an opportunity to speak with you further, ideally during a first date. I further hope to have a future with you, your friends, and your family. I firmly believe that my past experiences, education, and skills will make me a perfect fit fulfilling the duties your boyfriend position require.
If you decide to take this application to the interview portion (first date), then you will get someone who is not only loyal but also communicative and occasionaly funny with a track record to prove it.
Thank you so much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely Yours,
Timothy Warren
