I was very hesitant to write this story only because I do realize how big of an impact social media can have. I was in fear of the judgment that might come along with voicing this story. I've gotten to a point where I've just stopped caring what people think and wanted to let go of the past, and this is my way of letting go. After analyzing the second season of 13 Reasons Why it made me conclude, there are so many people unaware of mental health issues. Yes, there are many reasons why 13 Reasons Why can be seen in a negative light, however, it does bring awareness to mental health and shows that what people say can really impact someone.

Senior year affected me in a way that I never thought it would. I hate to use the word bullied in context to myself. The word makes me feel fragile and powerless so for a long time I would push that word and anything surrounding it as far away from my mind as possible. Throughout my years of elementary through high school, I was never bullied. I was never made fun of or got chosen last when picking partners, or anything in relevance to that, until my senior year of high school.

I can tell you exactly how I started to lose friends. It was the first day back at school and my best friend at the time had turned on me. Spreading a rumor that I had slept with a guy, the rumor was true but I wasn’t ready for the world to know that secret, and I don’t believe that that guy was ready to share it either. It was three days into my senior year and it felt as if my life was crumbling, going to certain classes was terrifying for me but, I was not going to let anyone know that. I continued on with a smile on my face and kept it moving. I wasn't ashamed of what I had did, I was ashamed of the way that people were reacting. From that moment on, everything was a downward spiral. I was being put into various situations that ended up being worse than the next.

For a while, I learned how to deal with certain situations, but, I also could've handled them better. I was terrified of people being mad at me or losing the friends that I already had, so when they asked me to lie for the people that were lying to me. There were so many times that I felt that were was no one on my side and looking back on it, there wasn't.

It became a trend for people to dislike me. Two people started this movement, and in all honestly, I had done nothing to them. It was in the yearbook class that I saw everything happen in full force. People would just stop talking to me and became distant. I was losing myself in the whirlwind of the drama. It was to the point where even teachers were noticing, but, my mindset was to just get to graduation and I would be free. I got there, unharmed, free of any physical damage, maybe a little mental, but that’s what therapy is for.

A few days, maybe even weeks after high school had ended, I saw a tweet informing me that I was the ”hoe” of my class of 2017. I should’ve just let that seven worded tweet go, but, I didn’t. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I just let it go than I was allowing someone to slap an incorrect label on me, but, if I stood up for myself that I was carrying on the drama. That night I blocked 24 people. Death threats were being fired up and thrown along with threats of people wanting to fight me. I wasn’t hurt by what these people were saying or how these people viewed me because I knew they would move into something else by tomorrow.

The people who hurt me the most were the people that knew I was struggling with inner battles. At one point I was calling these people friends, even best friends. They knew the issues I had been dealing with through my high school life, I had dealt with anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. The people that were wishing me dead or to get beat up on the street were people that knew I was fighting my own battles. There were nights that I did want to end it all but I didn't because I was getting the help that I needed. In that moment of seeing tweets being spread and people I didn't even speak to hyping up my downfall, I was wondering if they knew what they were doing.

Yes, at the moment I was being hurt by their words, but I was more hurt by their actions and by their character. What if I wasn’t in an okay place? What if their words were my last straw? Would they have been ready to take on the responsibility for their actions? No, because no one is thinking about anyone else’s feelings when are in the heat of the moment and they feel as if they have a show to put on. I admit it was a show, it was as if with every tweet, the harsher the words, the more people were amazed. They wanted to push the tweets to the limit to see when I would break. I don’t know what those people got from the episode, but it could’ve turned into 13 Reasons Why real fast.

I don't want any type of sympathy being sent my way. I want people to be more aware of their actions and the way that they speak to people. No one ever really knows what is going down behind the screen. Having an opinion is one thing, but attacking someone is never necessary. A person can put up a good front, but no one will ever know how they are feeling inside, in most cases, until it's too late.