Coronavirus Cut My College Years Short, And It's My Worst Breakup
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Coronavirus Cut My College Years Short, And It's More Heartbreaking Than My Worst Breakup

I know it's for the best, but I'm still so sad.

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Coronavirus Cut My College Years Short, And It's More Heartbreaking Than My Worst Breakup

You know that feeling you get when your heart is broken and you know you have to be cordial, but you just don't want to?

There's a pit in your stomach that feels like it will never go away even though you know it eventually will. You know it will get better in time but that time seems like an eternity.

Well, that's exactly how I feel and have felt since I had to end my senior year at the University of Kentucky far too soon.

The thing is, I know that leaving early was for the best — just like when you break up with someone and, even though it sucks, you know it is for the best. For you and for everyone around you. But, it still doesn't take away from the fact that it's still a hard pill to swallow.

I'm the type of person who loves to plan things and look far into the future, and having those future plans taken away is still hard.

It's like breaking up with someone before you got to go to that concert you two were looking forward to or celebrate the birthday or anniversary coming up together. During this time of social distancing, it was my last date party and last formal. It was the last mom's weekend that I would spend with my mom, my best friend, and her mom. It was those last Thursday nights out with my group of girlfriends. It was study dates in coffee shops around Lexington. It was graduation and being able to take graduation photos in front of Willy T with my friends in our cap and gowns.

You know that "boss-up" mode you go into when you feel like you're over the sadness?

You turn on some badass music and drink some more coffee and deal with it. But, deep down you're mad as all get-out and feel like you could break any moment. Sound familiar? I feel this way about getting only 3.5 years of college. Just last night I cried right after I felt like I could take on this awful thing that seems like it's taking over the world.

I feel like the only thing I can do right now is turn on some Beyonce and drink my iced coffee in the morning and make the most of this situation that we're all in.

I feel jealous for the class behind us who will hopefully get all those "lasts." The type of jealousy you get when you know that eventually, that other person will move on from you with someone better. That gut-wrenching feeling that just makes you want to stay in bed all day and cry and listen to sad songs and do absolutely nothing.

I feel sad, genuinely sad, that I can't get those last moments with my college best friends that I've mostly been through all of these past 3.5 years with.

But, despite all these negative feelings, I still feel happy that next year's seniors get to experience these sweet moments. It's hard to feel happy for the next person who gets to spend time with someone who used to be a big part of your life, but knowing that your ex-significant other gave you happy times can make the breakup seem more bearable.

Breakups get easier with time, and then you'll realize all the good things that have come out of it.

There will still be times of sadness and anger and jealousy, but it won't last forever. It's OK to feel however you're feeling. It's OK to be upset and mad that you got time and memories taken away from you. You have to make the most out of the situation you're in and realize that this is for the best.

Whether it's a breakup or social distancing, you'll be able to see the good that comes out of it eventually.

At least (and the most important thing to remember) we're all in this together and we don't have to go through this weird, confusing, upsetting time alone.

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