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31 Candy-Corny Halloween Jokes

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

Haley Walker

Oct 25, 2018

Texas A&M University

1369

Instagram

Hi guys it's Haley again, giving you your weekly dose of my words! This week I am tired (scary tired, so it's festive)!!! School is kicking my booty repeatedly and without ceasing, I haven't been sleeping much, and I physically cannot consume enough coffee, with scream and sugar of course (see joke 28 for details)!!! I do not have a well thought out prose piece, political rant, or words of wisdom to give you all (sigh).

But let's not dwell on that, let's get excited for Halloween! It's days away and I am pumped for a spooky night!! Catch me doing the monster mash all day long!

This week's article is literally just 31 Halloween jokes in hopes of getting a haunting cackle out of all of us. I may or may not have giggled out loud a few times while composing this article, I'll leave that piece of information up for debate.

Without further ado, here lay 31 scary good jokes!

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1. What’s a monster’s favorite bean? A human bean!

2. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? You suck!

3. Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos!

4. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with!

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5. Where did the goblin throw the football? Over the ghoul line!

6. Why doesn’t Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat? Because of the coffin!

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

8. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a!

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9. What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newly webbed!

10. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? The Vampire State Building!

11. What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettuccine Afraid-o!

12. What do witches use in their hair? Scare-spray!

13. What instrument do skeletons play? The Trom-bone!

14. What’s a monster’s favorite dessert? I-scream!

15. What do you call two witches living together? Broommates!

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16. Where do vampires keep their money? The blood bank!

17. Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula? He’s a real pain in the neck!

18. What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the carnival? The roller ghoster!

19. What kind of clothes do the cool zombies wear? Decay NY!

20. What is a vampire’s least favorite song? “You Are My Sunshine”

21. What subject do they teach in witch school? Spelling!

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22. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries!

23. Why did the traveling witch throw up? She was broom sick!

24. Where do ghosts buy their milk and eggs? At the ghost-ery store!

25. Where do villains go to send their mail? The ghost office!

26. Why did the vampire like baseball? Every night he got to turn into a bat!

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27. How do monsters tell their future? They read their horror-scope!

28. How do ghosts like their coffee? Dark with extra scream!

29. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter? Pumpkin pi (3.1428571428571428571428571428571)!

30. Why can’t you see a ghost’s mom and dad? Because they’re transparents!

31. How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!

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Trick or treat! Merry Spookmas! Happy Halloween!

Joke creds go to these awesome websites!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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12 Types Of Drunk Girls You'll See In Every Friend Group

"Getting drunk with your best friends is an experience in and of itself. It takes us on wild and ridiculous adventures with the people we trust with our lives."

University of Minnesota Twin Cities

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Getting drunk with your best friends is an experience in and of itself. It takes us on wild and ridiculous adventures with the people we trust with our lives. Each one of you plays a vital role in making sure the night goes (relatively) smoothly.

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20 Times When The Kardashians Summed Up Your Finals Week

It's so rude that we have finals.

University of Iowa

Cosmopolitan.com

Finals week is so rude! So, there's no one better to explain it than the Kardashians themselves!

1. When you look at your finals schedule and become immediately overwhelmed:

2. When your professor says that the final is only going to be short answer questions:

3. When you text your parents to tell them that you're going to have a mental breakdown and drop out of college and they're just like:

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4. When you're trying to study with friends, but then you realize that you haven't gotten anything done:

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5. Then you just end up going on your phone.

6. When you're two weeks away from finals and your professor tells you that you should probably start studying now:

7. When you sit down to take your final and the first question hits you like:

8. When you start the practice problems and you're just like:

9. When you're in your final and find a question that you actually know the answer to:

10. When that one annoying kid in your class says that the final was super easy and they aced it:

Hit You In The Throat Serious GIFfrom Hit You In The Throat GIFs

11. When you come back from your 7:30 a.m. final and crash:

12. When your professor tries to teach you new material a week before the final:

13. When you decide to eat away the pain that is finals week by ordering massive amounts of food:

14. Filling out course evaluations for that one difficult professor like:

15. When it's right before your first final and you're just like:

16. When your professor tells that you the final is cumulative:

17. When the kid next to you keeps looking over at your test:

18. Looking back on the outfits that you wore during finals week like:

Kimk Tears GIFfrom Kimk GIFs

19. When it's been two hours and you've only gotten through five notecards:

20. When you finally make it to the end of the week:

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Lifestyle

10 Signs You Work In A Restaurant

There's always chaos in the restaurant business.

University of Akron

1256

Brisanis

Working in the restaurant industry is possibly the most fundamentally challenging occupation I have ever experienced when it comes to hospitality and customer service. When you go to a five-star restaurant you expect the time of your life, a two hour getaway, a walk through another time period (rustic Italy, France, Spain, etc), or simply a honeymoon undergo. What you don't see are the behind the scenes scut work: carrying trays, polishing glassware and silverware, kitchen chaos, the list is endless. Now, I'm not saying being a host, server, or bartender is the worst thing in the whole wide world, there are definitely worse things. But the fact of the matter is that it isn't always sunshine and rainbows. In the two years that I have spent in restaurant and customer service, I have spoken my share of expletives, yelled at kitchen staff, and dealt with not-so-happy guests. It isn't easy to keep a bright and shiny smile on your face when all you want to do is choke every person who walks near you. Anyone who has spent even two weeks working in a restaurant understands the rigor and stress that comes with it. Restaurant culture is a tiny world in and of itself that operates on its own principles and creates its own society. It even has its own language. The sayings "runner", "corner", and "on a bus" wouldn't make sense to anyone otherwise. My mother and I both work in a restaurant and the best advice I can give someone going out to eat is to treat us like people. Yes...believe it or not we are people, people. Say "please" and "thank you", or stack your cleared plates before a busser gets to the table. Trust me, the gesture goes a lot farther than you may think.

So, if you work in a restaurant, you can relate with the following points. If not, check out how the brain of a restaurant service (or any customer service) worker actually works. See if you can identify any crazy weird habits your friends have a tendency to partake in.