The loss of a loved one is a rare kind of pain. It's a pain everyone will have to go through at least once in their lives and it's a pain like no other. It seems as though no one ever has the right words to console the passing of a loved one. "I'm so sorry for your loss," "it's not goodbye forever," "that person is not suffering anymore but in a better place," "only the good die young," and "it was their time" are just a few phrases we humans have developed in order to cope with the pain and hurt that death brings upon us.
Whether your loss was unexpected or expected, there are some feelings that are universally unavoidable. Since everyone copes with death differently, the following feelings may not all relate to you, but for me, these are the five feelings that hit me the hardest when I lost a loved one.
1. Numbness
You can put yourself in the exact place you were when you heard the news. You remember the tremble in the words that were spoken and you remember your body becoming stiff as your throat tightened up. Your chest ached with the sadness that engulfed you and your eyes burned with the salt from your tears. It felt like someone stabbed you right in your heart. You felt helpless and suddenly everything else around you seemed irrelevant.
2. Sadness and confusion
After the numbness wears off, you begin to actually think about what happened. These thoughts haunt you and you question God, asking why he took your loved one so soon. Nothing seems to makes sense. Nothing else seems to matter.
3. Anger
You become angry that this happened to you. You blame God, you blame others, and you blame yourself. It's hard to see the good in the world around you because of the bitterness you're experiencing. You think of your life and the absence your heart will feel when your loved one is missing from the major milestones that are yet to come.
4. Regret and guilt
You regret all the times you took for granted. All the small moments, all the big moments, the phone calls, the car rides, the traditions. You bargain with God, asking for a sign or something to show you that your loved one is up there safe and sound. You wish that there were holes in the floor of heaven so you could spend just one more day with the one you love.
5. Nostalgia
You try and accept the fact that your loved one is no longer physically with you and hold onto your faith that you will see them again one day. You surround yourself with the memories to remind you of the footprints they left on this earth and in your heart. Your loss becomes your motivation to be better and make your loved one proud. You let this ignite you and use it to carry on what they left behind.
Some say time heals all wounds, but I believe the loss of a love one is a wound that never truly goes away. It's something people have been forced to deal with despite the constant pain they feel deep down. There are good days and there are bad days. It's easy to say death is just a cycle of life, but when it affects you directly, it's much easier said than done. Some of us believe there is a heaven and some of us believe that it all ends in a slow ride in a hearse. Some of us just need a phone call from heaven to reassure us that the end is not the end. But whatever your case may be, I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you are never alone. Death is a destination we all share, but as Mitch Albom wrote in "Tuesdays with Morrie," "Death ends a life, not a relationship."
