All cat owners know that cats are the most independent and self sufficient pets there are -- which is basically a really nice way of putting that they are always going to do whatever the they want, when they want, no matter what you say. Seriously, if we were to put the selfish behaviors our cats have and placed them in a significant other, it would legitimately be an abusive relationship. Case in point? My cat just bit me and walked on my computer because she wanted attention. If an S.O. did that, we would be outtey-3,000. But, cats have found a way of getting us to over look the abuse they dish out on a daily basis by also being sweet, tiny fur babies. Those sneaky little bastards. So in honor of the recent International Cat Appreciation Day, I present to you 10 conversations that cat owners on a daily basis. Because, like I said, you can say "NO" a million times, but that cat is going to do whatever it wants.
1. "Where did he/she go???"
Every cat owner knows this moment of panic. You know you're being irrational and that your turd of a cat is most likely hiding some place obscure and secluded like in your box-spring (that is mine's hiding spot of choice). Never the less, your thoughts race. "Did she get outside?? She's too young to be on her own!" Frantic, you crawl around on all fours shaking cat toys at random crevices in your home until you find that tiny, adorable stinker that is your cat.
2. "How did you get up there??"
This questions usually stands as a follow up to number one. A hanging plant, ceiling fan, top of the fridge, cats will stop at nothing to reach the highest point in any house, even if it means knocking over Aunt Sue's urn...
3. "Please tell me that isn't poop stuck to you.."
But you know it is. You know it's poops because you can smell it and see it trailing behind them on your carpet. Sigh, the struggle of being a long haired beauty is real.
4. "No, you can't eat the fish."
As you can see from the image, this is a regular conversation in my house. My cat pretends that she is trying to make friends with the beta on a regular basis. I see you trying to push the lid off of his tank, dude. You're fooling no one, especially the fish.
5. "Did I actually buy a cat? Are you a dog?"
My cat will wait in a very specific spot and wait for her tuna treat every time the dogs come inside. She runs in the yard with them like pack dogs and even sleeps next to them. I just don't have the heart to tell her the truth...
6. "I can't tell if you're about to attack me or not..."
Every cat owner knows this look. You're playing a game of catch the laser pointer when your cat suddenly stares deep into your soul. Are you being playful? Do you love me? ...am I about to die?
7. "Do you think it's possible for you to keep your litter INSIDE the box?"
It's 2 a.m. and you get up to use the bathroom *crunch*. Nothing quite like feeling the piercing sensation of tiny clay balls most likely sprinkled with feces ramming into your foot. This sensation is second only to stepping on Legos.
8. "Why do you keep looking at the ceiling...?"
"What are you chasing with your eyes? Is there a bug I can't see? Do I need to call an exterminator? IS OUR APARTMENT POSSESSED?? TELL ME! LOOK AT ME!"
9. "What is in your mouth??"
Ahhh...the true moment you've become a cat owner. Is it their kibble? Probably not. It's most likely an old Q-tip you're going to find nestled under your pillow as an offering later.
10. "How on earth did you get so adorable?"
(Dedicated to Hermione Savage).