We have all been hurt before, whether that be a bruise or a broken heart. A bruise heals in a relatively timely manner, but other things never seem to. A broken heart always seems to have a sting that never seems to end. You learn to live with the sensation and move on with life. Broken hearts often are a result of giving something/someone your all, just to have it slip away. You're left with a gaping hole in your heart. It's a void that you have to learn to fill in order to move on. However, you aren't quite the same after that. You don't trust as easily, you aren't as daring, and you don't function the way you used to.
The person eventually fades out of your mind. The feelings seem like they never existed in the first place. You end up feeling stupid for ever falling for them. You move on to bigger and better thing, however, that feeling never leaves you. That feeling of someone holding your heart in the palm of their hands, and walking away. You were so close until they took a sudden step back. When they walked out of your life, they left a hole. That feeling of sudden emptiness when they took a step back, never leaves. You struggle to put your complete trust in someone in fear they will have enough of you to repeat that cycle.
One day, someone will completely flip your world upside down. You will fall head over heels for someone you didn't think existed. You start to get a warm feeling back into your system until you realize that it's too good to be true. From that moment on, you make a vow not to let them in. You start pushing people away because you don't want to put your faith, trust, or feelings into them. Push them away before they get the chance to do it first. Push them away so you can sleep knowing that you weren't the one to get screwed over this time. Fight the urge.
It is so much easier to shut your feelings out and to completely block people out. It is simpler than having the feeling of vulnerability. It's easier to find comfort in being alone. You've been alone for so long that the thought of depending partially on someone else scares you. You are completely content with being alone. You depend only on yourself. You hold the cards of your own faith and future, therefore, you're not going to give that up again. But, don't let that be the thing that stops you from taking a shot in the dark.
Not everyone who comes into your life will throw you away like trash. I know that is so hard to understand after having been through this multiple times in a row. But, I pray that one day someone will come along and realize your worth. Realize that you are everything that they ever wanted in life. I hope that they are patient enough and passionate enough to love you through your worst. I hope that you can go to sleep at night knowing that it was worth the wait and that you are truly content. I hope that you find someone worth waiting for.
To everyone who is on the other end, know that we're trying. Trying desperately to have faith to trust in people again. To put our hearts on the line to possibly be broken again. We're trying our best to give you our hearts that were already broken multiple times. We don't want to have to add you like a belt loop. So please, give us reassurance and be gentle.
