All of us feel the pain, the struggle, the absolute unending suffering that accompanies class registration at UNC. Lucky for you, some of us have been dealing with it for years. And yeah, it's pretty hard—but why not make the best of it? You're only here for a few years before you're shoved out into the real world, where all year feels like a class registration period!
1. Put every section of the class you need in your shopping cart even though most of them conflict with the other classes you need.
Isn't your goal to be as confused as possible come registration time? Which ENGL 105 did you want? Which SPAN 203 did you really need to get into? Who knows? Certainly not you.
2. Start doodling green circles in all your notebooks for good luck.
If you stare at the green circles long enough, maybe you'll start hallucinating green circles everywhere. If you're lucky, they'll cover the blue squares in your shopping cart and you'll be happy for a short while. Ignorance is bliss, amirite?
3. Go to Davis or the UL and cry because everything is hard and you still don't understand why they call it a shopping cart.
Honestly, you can't even find the class you need—much less enroll in it.
4. Come up with a contingency plan just in case this is the registration period that makes you drop out.
What is your hidden talent? Time to turn it into a YouTube sensation.
5. Refuse to reset your Onyen password so that when your registration period starts, you can't even log into ConnectCarolina.
Why leave this possibility in your nightmares when it could be real life?
6. Better yet, just forget your Onyen and your password altogether.Â
You already couldn't remember your PID, but screw it. Forget your Onyen and your password, too. And while you're at it, stop trying to remember your name. Who are you?
7. Put all thoughts about class registration out of your head entirely.
Who knows, maybe you've already forgotten. I mean, how many papers/lab reports did you have due this week? And didn't you have an exam coming up? There might have been some other pressing matter, but you can only think about that biology midterm right now.
8. Realize that your major isn't for you and change it the day before your registration period.
Just admit it...you've been considering switching things up for ages. Best to have a mini crisis about it now, 'cause you don't want to enroll in classes you're not actually going to need. The only downside is now you only have like 16 hours to fill your shopping cart with a new array of classes before it's go-time. Better hurry.
9. Call your parents and vent about how literally every section of ENGL 105 is closed now and blue squares haunt your every waking moment.
How can they require you to take a class during your first year and then not offer enough sections? You didn't even want to take the class til suddenly it wasn't an option anymore.
10. Engage in an old-fashioned duel with your friend who got into that one class you need for your major.
I mean, you'll die if you lose the duel, but it seems like you'll die if you don't make it into that class, too. So what are you gonna do?
Oh, did you think this was going to be genuinely helpful? No, just another method of procrastination for you to enjoy. Honey, none of us know what we're doing.
My one piece of real advice is this: go to Academic Advising. You may not know what the heck is going on, but they do. Let them help you. You should probably drop whatever you're doing and go now, though, because everyone else is already there.
