Some of us have felt it, some of us have not: the dreadful sensation of having your throat constrict, your eyes prickle, your nose itch, the taste of something bitter on your tongue. Hearing the rush of blood in your ears and having it overwhelm you — but not quite. Because you can still see your friends, every single one of them, all queued up at a group hangout, smiling. They're all having a wonderful time laughing, cracking jokes and being dumb, but your eyes are burning.

You've seen them every f*cking day, but never did any of them ever invite you.

Depending on who you are, they can be burning with fury, unshed tears or both. What we do about this feeling also varies greatly. Some choose to do nothing, some plan on planning their own get-together, some scream into pillows and make voodoo dolls of said friends and stab them repeatedly. But the cold, hard fact remains.

You have been forgotten. And often, it's not the first time.

"What have I done wrong?" we often wonder. "Have I offended anyone? Did I piss anyone off? Do they dislike me?"

We go through life wondering where we tripped up. Usually, we can't pinpoint where (or maybe we can, kind of) or when we pissed him off. Was it that time I doodled a smiley face on his worksheet? Yes, that's it, we think. In response, we become perfect and extremely nice. Laughing politely at jokes when the rest of the group is laughing. Scorning it when the group scorns it. Never cracking your own, too afraid at its reception. Never talking of anything of true importance, in fear that you might seem like an attention wh*re. By changing these traits about ourselves, we're being nice.

"And if I'm being nice, they'll like me," we think. "If I agree with them, they'll like me."

And usually, we are liked by our friends. So, what's the problem?

I once asked a girl on ask.fm one of those "would you rather questions" — would you rather be extremely hated or entirely ignored? She was so, so upset. Unintentionally, I'd hit a nerve and caused a mental breakdown. After apologizing profusely, I couldn't help but ask, why did this upset you so much?

She was someone who lived almost exclusively on the internet, meaning that all her friends were people she'd met online. In fact, that's how I met her — on a little orange writing site called Wattpad. The closest thing I could possibly liken Wattpad to, in the hierarchical sense, is high school as seen in every teen movie ever. It's even got its own little cliques and heaping spoonful of drama. The girl on ask.fm didn't really ever reply to my second question, (though, to be fair, I was being rather insensitive) and mostly just apologized for blowing up on me. She did mention that, as someone whose whole social circle revolved around being recognized for her work and her persona, she was always constantly clamoring for attention. To her, my "would you rather" was just plain cruel.

Though she didn't say it outright, she provided a reason. The internet moves fast, and today's everything could very easily be lost in yesterday's sea of clutter. Her entire social existence could easily be forgotten more quickly than anything ever thought possible. My question was just a reminder of exactly how ephemeral she could be if she didn't work hard enough at being recognized and how quickly it could happen anyway, even if she did. So, through her outburst, I inadvertently got her answer. She would rather be extremely hated than entirely ignored. And, after my brief observational study on human behavior, I can confidently say that the same holds true for nearly everyone.

The problem is self-inflicted invisibility. Though we don't realize it, by trying so hard to make them like us, by trying so hard to make them agree with us, by being too afraid to express our own opinions and our own sense of style and who we are as individual people, we are painting ourselves with the same exact shade of color that surrounds us. Essentially, we are erasing ourselves into the background. What we are being is not "nice." We are making ourselves forgotten, and it is by making ourselves forgotten that we become forgotten.

Your situation is not a lost cause. Becoming noticed is simply a matter of paining yourself another color that you like better, a color that is uniquely you. It's OK if this color isn't liked by all. In fact, nothing is ever liked by all, even your previous background color. With this in mind, the best person to be is yourself.