Confidence is something that takes a long time to build but, unfortunately, only a short time to lose. After having transferred to a third high school and breaking my knee (thus ending what I thought would be a college swimming career), I was looking at college terrified. I had lost a large portion of my identity and didn’t know how to be me anymore. As I got ready to go to college, I got increasingly nervous. How were other people suppose to get to know me if I didn’t know myself? I was scared that people would not be able to read me correctly and that I would make a bad impression at what I was hoping to be my final school. My anxieties grew and my confidence was low. Confidence became the lost sock, the lack of the perfect accessory and the wrong pair of shoes in my life. Something was missing.
Going away to school changed everything I was able to start fresh and present myself in a new way. I realized that by using clothing I could display different parts of my personality. Using the little I knew about myself, I started building a closet that allowed me to present myself how I felt special. As my closet grew, so did my sense of self, as if every article of clothing helped me rediscover who I — Caitlin — was. This one realization changed my life. I was not only able to find myself, but also present myself in the way I could feel confident.
Clothing is not about trend; it's about yourself. Using color, pattern, texture, cut and fit, I created not only outfits for myself, but an identity. I began to transform some of my own pieces, making them affordable on my college budget. I gained confidence in my ability not only to design my own outfits, but to also create them through upcycling. People began to compliment my outfits or sense of style, and this just continued to help me grow into myself.
My best friend, Kell, and I created a blog, Beatnik Bold, this summer to help others find their own sense of style and own sense of self. I was able to find my confidence by always being confident in my choice of socks, having the perfect accessories and the right pair of shoes in my life. Beatnik Bold was born for many reasons, but one of the most personal is so that hopefully other people will learn to be happy and confident in designing who they are.
