Fangirl

(noun )

1. A female fan, especially one who is obsessive about comics, movies, music, or science fiction.

This definition is how the world identifies fangirls. Although it may be true, everyone is a fangirl about something. Whether it be a band, a Tv show, or even a book series, we all have one. Fangirling can just be talking excitedly about what you love for more than five minutes. But there is... an extreme level of a fangirl, the all-day, time consuming, dedicated fan. And I am one of them.

I just want to say that I am not some crazy psycho woman who hides in their celebrity crushes luggage. I'm just a nerdy girl who found a way to cope with a mildly harsh hand she'd been dealt. I promise this won't be a sob story, but I am going to put a TRIGGER WARNING before I start.

As a prologue to my tale, I should probably explain the way I was raised. My mother is from the Northeast while my dad is from the south, so, growing up in a very southern state with northern taught views made me- and still does - stick out like a sore thumb.

Now my tale starts at the tender age of eight when the first instance of bullying happened. My nose was big and I had four eyes because I was practically blind, plus, in pictures, I looked like a goblin from Harry Potter. At that time, I didn't know it was bullying, and I just wanted to know why no one liked me. The bullying continued all the way up to seventh grade, and each year it got even more vicious. I distinctly remember in fifth grade, the kids had made something called ' The Kialeigh Touch' a play on ' the Cheese Touch' from DIary of a Wimpy Kid. I may have only been ten, but it still hurt when everyone ran away screaming from me. But that was the mouse compared to the lion of seventh grade.

By seventh grade, my fangirl tendencies were just blooming. I only had one friend, and that was the friend you only had at school, so I spent my time watching Netflix, particularly the show, Glee. I had learned to ignore the bullying, but the seventh grade was when my world turned upside down, uncoiling the self-confidence I had built.

January 1, 2014, the house I had grown up in burst into flames, leaving me with nothing; although, it did leave the nice gift of anxiety, depression, and self-destruction. I don't remember how I got from the living room to outside, I had frozen up. I do remember, though, laying on my Aunt Melissa's couch texting the one friend I had, reading a message she had sent over and over. Apparently, many of my classmates knew about my tragedy and they laughed. I cried myself to sleep that night, realizing the cruelty of the world.

Having the fire as a reality call, I isolated myself from anyone who tried to talk to me and I threw myself into Glee. Glee became my lifeline. Not only was it there whenever I needed it to be, but it also kept me from actually committing suicide. I know it sounds far-fetched that a show would keep me from killing myself, but Glee literally could turn my mood around in a flash. Heck, Kurt and Blaine became a couple I looked up to. For the next two years, I ate, slept, and breathed Glee ( I even found fanfiction at this point ).

Then, I started high school, and I soon realized that it wasn't like the movies depicted. I was invisible, a nobody. Yes, I started making friends, but they were polar opposites. Feeling isolated and confused about my sexuality- at that time - I turned to find new shows.

Over the years I have grown into an extreme fangirl over many shows. I write/read fanfiction, I think about how they would react in a certain situation. I put myself in their world. It's helped me cope with losing my childhood home, bullying, my parents splitting up, and even getting through the school day. Yes, I might just talk about my fandoms, and I might go over-the-top with merchandise, but it is my escape from the upside-down world I live in.

I'm a Slytherin teen wolf in Scott McCall's pack. I am a peculiar and I am a limelight. It's my happy place, and if that makes me an extreme fangirl, so be it.