Walking into my freshman year of Providence College, the first thing I looked for was a job. Luckily for me, my orientation leader was a departing student-employee of the school's food company. He asked us all if anyone was looking for a job, and my hand shot up like those hairs on the Lectric Shave commercials. Within a few weeks, I found myself standing behind the counter of a place I'd soon come to love and loathe: The Ruane Café, otherwise known as Starbucks.

This magical land of coffee grinds, espresso beans, and pumpkin-spiced lattes has taken myself and my fellow baristas through a whirlwind of experiences; however, I left The Ruane Café for a new job, and it is time for me to spill three years of held-in gripes.

Episode 1: Breakdown them Bill$$

I know it's Providence College and a lot of you are swimming in money, but at twenty years old you have no business carrying around $100 bills unless you're Justin Bieber. I'm not impressed. I'm just aggravated when you hand me $100 and $50 bills for a purchase of no more than $10. Our drawers have $1s and $5s. At times, we can't even break those bills because they're too big for us. You're buying coffee and some snacks maybe, not a steak dinner on Federal Hill. I know Starbucks coffee is insanely overpriced and a lot of you feel like this...

...but it's $3 maximum for a coffee and $5 maximum for a specialty drink. Stop handing the baristas Daddy Warbucks' money.

Episode 2: The Clock is Ticking

This is my personal process for when I want to purchase a coffee. When I desire a good or service, I find the nearest vendor that can provide me with that good and/or service. Coffee specifically is an acquired taste for most, so when you want a coffee, you want a coffee. I say this because some people walk up to the counter - don't even say "hi" or "how's your day" - lean on their hip, and stare at the menu going, "Uuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm, what do I want?"

And I get it. Sometimes I don't know whether or not I want a McDouble or a McChicken, but I take about 10 seconds to figure that out. Some of you have me like:

I'm not kidding. It took one person about a minute to decide what they wanted. Go into your bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror and stare at yourself for a minute; only then will you know my pain.

Episode 3: How to and how not to order at The Ruane Café

The how-to process is very short, simple, and easy. Follow these steps and you will gain a power that only some are strong enough to possess. I believe in you, my young Padawan!

Approach the counter, tell the barista your order, hand the barista your money (see Episode 1 for proper amount of money to give), wait for the barista to make your drink, take the drink once the barista makes it clear that they have completed making your drink, and continue about your day. And you're done! Who said college doesn't teach you anything?

Now for a conservative list of what not to do when ordering the drink:.

*Don't order from the middle of the hallway about five feet back from the counter. I don't smell that bad! Come up and state your order and be proud of it!

*Try not to whisper. That oven behind the counter pretty much prevents me from hearing anything. I get shy too, but I'm not a scary guy.

*Don't ask your friend what you want to drink. Your friend is not you and does not know what you want.

*(This is my personal favorite) Don't order your drink then disappear. You people are amazing at this one. I'll turn to make the drink and then when I turn back, you are gone. Where did you go?

I know we just met, but maybe I'm having some separation anxiety; I can't have closure without giving you the drink you ordered! I'm freaking out! Breathe...breathe...oh, you came back...thank God.

Episode 4: Bagel Fiends

Don't get me wrong -- I love bagels, but not like you Ruane customers. You people worship those bagels. Especially you dudes with the prep school background; you know, those guys who have the snapback polo hats, the long-sleeved vineyard vines t-shirts, the chameleon eyes, the Marco Rubio haircut, boat shoes and flip flops no matter how cold it is outside, vernacular of a lacrosse locker room, and the voice of a sleepy tortoise. Yeah, those guys. I don't know how you'd function without these bagels.

I always thought bagels were a breakfast bread until I came to Providence College. People are scavenging for bagels at closing. I may be a little harsh with this one, I'll admit, but this bagel phenomenon definitely caught my attention.

Episode 5: The Frappuccino

If I was a superhero, Baristaman if you will, my arch enemy would be this drink. It's not even a drink. It's a concoction straight from Satan's coffee shop in hell. Let me tell you what's in this godforsaken cocktail. There's no coffee, but this concentrated coffee extract of some sort that comes in powder form. It's mixed with water to form a coffee base. The other base is this clear liquid that I'm not entirely sure what it is exactly; however this clear liquid got on my hands one time and I think it took some skin off of me. The only natural thing that exists in this drink is the milk we pour in next, but we've all read "The Divine Comedy" -- even Beatrice was corrupted by Satan. That's what I feel like when I pour milk into that gross Frappuccino soup. I feel like Dante betraying his beloved and her falling to Hell. It saddens me every time. There you have it, folks. Unless you want to add some flavor syrup, you've got yourself a Frappuccino. Bask in its artificial goodness.

Fun Fact: someone I know who worked at a real Starbucks gained 40 lbs in a month after drinking leftover Frappuccinos during his shift.

So, the drink itself has its nastiness for lack of a better term, but the real kicker that sets most baristas off is how and when the drink is ordered.

We have named a few regulars at Ruane "Frappuccino Girl." The Frappuccino Girl is one who arrives at The Ruane Café at 7:50 p.m. or later and orders a Frappuccino. If you pull off this stunt on a regular basis, congratulations. You're a Frappuccino Girl, and chances are we don't like you. Being a Frappuccino Girl is not something to be proud of.

Here is why: we start closing the place down around 7:30 depending on how the crowd is. We want to go home because we have assignments to do, Netflix to watch, things to complain about, and mischief we must get into. The Frappuccino is the most complicated and time-consuming drink to make; we hate making them. We know how much you people like it, so we bite our tongues; however, you make that difficult to do when you impede our closing process. If it's 30 minutes to closing, go order a coffee or something simple, not this drink that will only give you diabetes down the road. Diabetes isn't fun. Don't order Frappuccinos five minutes before closing, reduce risk of diabetes. See how that works?

Though I have my gripes with The Ruane Café, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the experience. I made a lot of good friends there, and now have a lot of stories to tell from that job. I hope you all continue to enjoy the sub-par java at Providence College's Ruane Café. And one last thing: if you turn around, you'll see the cream and sugar.