Everyone that I know has commented at least once on the (very obnoxious) amount of coffee that I drink every day. I’ve had people ask if I’m feeling OK when they don’t see me with my giant coffee thermos in hand.

I honestly can’t remember when I started drinking coffee. I know that I was drinking it regularly in seventh grade, though I don’t think I brought a thermos to school until I was a freshman. I can say for a fact that by the time I was sixteen, I would get horrible headaches if I didn’t have any coffee in the morning, and whenever I got a headache my go-to remedy would be to drink a cup of coffee (it still kind of is).

Approximately half of the stuff that I own either has a coffee stain or smells vaguely like coffee. When in doubt of what to get me for my birthday or Christmas, people normally get me mugs. I think at this point, I have about 12.

I’m fiercely protective of my mugs. I hate it when other people use them, even if I haven’t used the mug in question in months. When I was a senior in high school, my dad decided that he liked my coffee mugs better than the ones that came with our dishes, and rather then ask him to not use them, I hid them all around the house. It’s something that I don’t really understand, but having someone use my coffee mug is unfathomable to me, and not in a selfish way.

For all my preaching about how I will drink any kind of coffee, I’m really quite picky. I’ll drink iced coffee, but if I have a cup of hot coffee and it gets cold, down the drain it goes. Decaf is only for the weak of heart, and instant coffee is an insult to the coffee community. I’m not really into the sugar-in-the-coffee, though I’ll take it. I prefer molasses, which is probably because of the influence of my mom and the fact that the soy coffee creamer I use is insanely sweet (I’m lactose intolerant).

I don’t just love coffee for the caffeine, though. I also just love the taste. I love the taste of real coffee, but also coffee-flavored things. One of my favorite ice cream flavors is coffee, or espresso — anything related to coffee. It’s getting a bit out of hand, but I’m scared of what will happen if I decide to stop drinking coffee. It probably won’t be pleasant for anyone, myself included. I should just make a career out of coffee.

Aspiring cat lady with an unhealthy obsession with coffee: an autobiography by me, in stores sometime in the future (maybe). If I can get around to writing it, after I have a cup of coffee.