Coming To Terms With Being A Transgender Male Was My Moment Of Clarity
Start writing a post

The majority of my days are spent on cloud nine. 99% of the time I’m in an amazing mood, permanently positive, and even my bad days are on the same level as everyone else’s good days. However, we all find ourselves in an "off" funk once in a while, and that’s okay, we need the bad to appreciate the good. I believe every bad day comes to us with reason, but that’s a whole different article. When I find myself in these moods, I often notice my mind wondering to the topic of my transition.

Sometimes I really question it all, but tonight, I’ve had a break through, and I have finally come to terms with who I am. I am transgender, and that is okay.

I act extremely confident about the journey of my transition and who I am on social media. I tell myself I have to put on a brave face for those who are looking up to me, who can’t be open and live as their authentic selves like I have been so blessed to do.

The truth is, up until right now, being transgender was my biggest insecurity. I wouldn’t say I hated it about myself, but it was never something that sat right with me. It made me uneasy knowing that I will never be considered a normal male for the rest of my life. Once a week, from now until I get so old that I can't see straight, I’ll have to inject myself with testosterone even though I’m terrified of needles. I’ll always have long scars along my chest that look like they're from a lion who tore me open, as a constant reminder of this entire journey.

I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way, especially about myself, but being transgender made me feel like even at my best I was only equal to the worst cisgender male. For those not in tune with all the terms these days, being “cis” is a male born in a male body, their mind and body agree with each other. I know it wasn’t and isn’t true, but I felt like the word “trans” was stamped on my forehead and that’s all people saw when they looked at me, looking at me as a “what” rather than a “who”. Don’t even get me started on being trans and trying to date, I’d rather jump the Grand Canyon on a tricycle, blindfolded. “Your chest looks like it was ripped open by a lion.” “She’ll get ridiculed for dating a trans.” “No one wants to explain to mom their bringing a trans boy home.” “Why would a woman want to get involved with a trans when they could just go get the real thing?” These were the type of thoughts running through my head all the time. Enough is enough.

I’ve had an epiphany, a much-needed breakthrough. At the end of the day these are the cards I’ve been dealt. I. Am. Transgender. That’s that.

There is nothing I can ever do that will change that. The testosterone is already in my body and has done its job, my top surgery is long from reversible, this is my life now. So why would I ever spend any more of my precious time being bitter or angry over it? Life is too short and too beautiful to spend any of it focusing on the negatives. No, I may not have gotten bottom surgery yet, but I am just as much of a man as any other living breathing male alive. No, pre-bottom surgery doesn’t mean I can’t “get the job done” like any other male, and not to toot my own horn, but I’d make an amazing boyfriend. Any chick would be lucky to bring me home to their mama.

I’m proud of my scars because I worked my ass off to raise the money for my surgery. My scars remind me of where I’ve been, how strong I am, and how far I’ve come since then. Even still to this day, over a year post top surgery, I still find my hand brushing against my chest and a wave of pure relief washes over me when I don't feel anything there. I used to loathe whenever anyone saw a picture or any evidence of who I was before I started my transition, I didn't want them to have that image of me in their head or have that take away from the person I am today, I didn't want them to remember that I wasn't born a male. However, I've learned I must embrace every aspect and moment of this incredible yet beautiful journey, even the ones that make me cringe.

I’ve been extremely blessed since the very beginning of my transition and there isn’t a single thing I would ever change about it. There are so many transgender individuals out there that don’t get the chance to be visible, that don’t get to live as their authentic self like I have been so lucky to be able to do. From this day forward I will never waste another breath, another thought, another second hung up on anything negative relating to my transition. I will never doubt myself or question the actions I take to further my journey.

Of course, it would be much easier to have been born in a male’s body, but the obstacles I’ve overcome to get to where I am right now have far surpassed being worth it. I was put on this Earth for a reason and I firmly believe that reason is to spread my story just as I have been to give everyone else the motivation and strength to live the best lives they can as well, whether they be trans, straight, gay, anything. Live your own life, do not worry about what others may say or think. Life is entirely too short to spend it trying to live up to others expectations.

A tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

How Long Would It Take To Mine A Bitcoin?

No one will give you the correct answer to this question because there are a lot of details that they need to know. But, you can roughly estimate it based on the equipment you have a few more factors. One thing that needs to be mentioned is that mining has changed a lot over the years.

36896
Mine A Bitcoin

they need to know. But, you can roughly estimate it based on the equipment you have a few more factors. One thing that needs to be mentioned is that mining has changed a lot over the years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Cakes You Need to Try This Winter

Spending the winter trying different cakes can be a great way to combat seasonal depression. Lift the spirits of your entire family by trying these five cakes.

43684
Try This Winter

The winter can be a dull time spent indoors with very little change. But, it doesn't have to be that way. There are plenty of ways to spice up your daily routine, and dessert is one of them.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Reasons to Consider a Career as a Defense Lawyer

Lawyers are supposed to be unbiased. Lawyers are trained to look at both sides of an issue and give equal weight to each side. It is meant to be their mantra, "My client is innocent until proven guilty."

111613
Career as a Defense Lawyer

Lawyers are supposed to be unbiased. Lawyers are trained to look at both sides of an issue and give equal weight to each side. It is meant to be their mantra, "My client is innocent until proven guilty." But if you're thinking about becoming a defense attorney, it's not this pretty simple. Defense lawyers argue that their clients are innocent because they don't want their actions to seem suspect in any way. They essentially say for the sake of the argument itself. If you're trying to decide whether or not becoming a defense attorney is something you would like to do, here are five reasons why it's worth considering:

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

What Everyone Should Know About Online Degrees

Nowadays, many working adults, high school graduates, and retired lifelong learners are choosing to advance their careers, lives, and personal knowledge by completing school at home.

206599
Online Degrees

The rising popularity of online college and graduate school degrees has completely changed the face of education and student life. It's no longer necessary to pack up all your belongings and head off to a distant locale in order to earn a diploma. Nowadays, many working adults, high school graduates, and retired lifelong learners are choosing to advance their careers, lives, and personal knowledge by completing school at home.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

What I am thankful for

I am saying one thing that I am thankful each day for until Thanksgiving. You try it to it will bring you joy.

151785
It's Thanksgiving time
Element5 Digital

November 1st, I am thankful for God and Jesus. I put my faith in them, they protect and help me through the happy and the sad in life. I could not imagine a world without them.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments