Every weekend, college students immediately transition from working hard to playing hard. College town bars are the most eventful places. They attract a diverse crowd ranging from college kids to tourists to the elderly. So, without further ado, here’s a checklist of everyone you’ve ever met to reminisce your time at college.
1. The Freshman
At the beginning of every fall semester, the bars seem to get crowded with influxes of really underage looking kids wearing the bare minimum clothing they can get away with. Chances are that they are underage, and your really drunk guy friend should stop buying them drinks.
2. The Inebriated One
Everyone has that one friend who can’t control their liquor. Hopefully it isn’t your friend that night so you don’t have to pull them apart at a drunken brawl, console them while they cry uncontrollably or catch them before they tumble down the stairs.
3. The Really Sober One Who Isn’t Having Fun
If they don’t look as happy as you and they’re standing in a corner, that’s the one! They have extremely low tolerance for everyone tumbling over and slurring their words, but don’t let them get you down when you’re having fun.
4. The Creepy Stalker Dudes
There are usually a ton of them standing near the dance floor scoping everyone out and looking for the most intoxicated victim. They also like to touch you without your consent so steer clear.
5. The Ratchet Townies
Super mean stereotyping, but they’re in their 30's wearing really short shorts and you can’t tell if that top half is a bra or an actual crop-top. And they’re twerking. Or they’re doing something that looks like twerking, but still makes you question if that’s what it is. And they’re actually welcoming the attention of the creepy stalker dudes. Gross.
6. The Cougars
They’re older for you and that’s all you know. But they’re kind of hot. They’re reminiscing their youth, checking out the younger girls and freaking out when the DJ pulls the old songs out. And they’re also really into complimenting you on your youth. Great ego boosters.
7. The Bachelorette Party
I don’t know why they decide to celebrate in college towns, but they’re always in their tiaras and sashes (and almost always wearing pink). They’re always dancing and belting out the '80s and '90s throwbacks.
8. The Wedding Party
They just tied the knot and decided to celebrate with a bunch of college students. The bride is brave enough to let the ends of her white dress turn black and everyone’s in a suit or a really formal dress. You can’t help but judge them a bit, but you’ll probably congratulate them in your drunken stupor and buy the groom a shot.
9. The D-i-n-o-s-a-u-r
Kesha wrote a song about it because that guy who should be pushing daisies is trying to pull the dance moves on you and your friends. Not sure to include him, not sure if he’s a cradle robber. If you run, then he won’t be able to keep up so I wholeheartedly suggest you do that.
10. The Way Past The Limit Designated Diver (DD)
No one wants to get left out because of peer pressure. You may want to stop them from having one more drink before DD stands for drunk driver rather than designated driver. Call them a cab and send them and their friends home safely and save a few lives.
11. The Clique
There’s the group of girls who somehow think they’re still in high school. They move in formations like schools of fish, pretend they know everybody, befriend the bartenders with the expectation of free drinks, and are the best at keeping unwanted creepy stalker dudes at bay.
12. The Really Hot Guy Tearing Up The Dance Floor
Every time you see the guy who shakes his hips better than Shakira, it makes you feel like you failed in life. So you either down more drinks to get to his level, or you stand on the sidelines and watch.
13. The One Who Tries To Infiltrate The Group
There’s always someone somewhere who wants to get in the middle of your conversation / dance party because they’re interested in one or all of you. They try to grab you, fall into the center of your circle, and get really shocked when they find themselves very unwelcome.
14. The One That Starts The Fight
Cross your fingers that it isn’t your friend when you hear screaming and see people being pushed around back and forth. This person is always drunk out of their mind and definitely made the worst decision to make at the possible time. Get a good seat to watch, but stay far enough to stay out of harm’s way and from being questioned by law enforcement for participating. And chances are, if the bar is small enough and the fight was big enough, this means it's time for everyone to go home. Until next week then!
