I'm sure almost anyone reading this knows that being away from home is hard, whether it's an hour away or a whole day of travels worth away. For me, I came from being a (spoiled) only child in a small cul-de-sac neighborhood in a very small populated town in Massachusetts. I decided to push myself all the way and attend a school over 14 hours away from me, which meant 14 hours from the only place I'd ever called home.
They say 'home' has a lot of definitions. It can be defined as a physical place that you inhabit and write down as your address when prompted. Or, it can be a feeling; an emotional state that only you have felt before when you're sitting on your living room couch squashed up next to your overweight dog. 'Home' is a definition that is always changing.
It took me a long time to grasp this concept, and even now I don't really know what it all means. I'm now accustomed to living in a small dorm room, swiping a card to eat my meals, getting lost on the way to class, and taking showers with flip-flops on. Physically, this has been my home for the past 9 months. What happens when I go back to the place that really isn't my 'home' anymore?
Being away at college has been a lot harder than I anticipated. I was one of those kids that absolutely could not wait to be away from my parents on virtually what felt like the other side of the world. And, we've heard it all before, from generations down the line, that college is supposed to be the best 4 years of our life.
You'd be lying if you said you've never heard that before. With that in mind, I felt like I was guaranteed just that. I would meet new friends that would be my bridesmaids in 10 years, or I'd get a 4.0 my first semester with no sweat on my back, right? Wrong. If anyone's told you college is fun, they're ruining the definition.
Believe me, you'll have your fair share of partying your brains off if that's what you're into, and they will be fun. I wasn't prepared for how out of control college parties could be until I stepped foot into them. But even with that, the novelty of partying wears off.
That doesn't mean you won't still attend every single one, though, and promise yourself that you'll make it to your 9 a.m. the next morning (when you inevitably won't). College is fun, sure, but it's hard and sometimes makes your heart a little sad. There honestly won't be a party that can fill the gaping hole that leaving your home left in you.
Living on your own isn't easy. You could have all of the opportunities you need from your professors, and all the groceries and towels and dish-wash soap for four extra years right at your fingertips, but that doesn't mean that college will be easy. I've had my fair share of heartbreaks already over Ds on papers or dates canceling on you last minute, and I'm only a freshman with just a few days before I'm done for the year.
I've broken my own heart more days than not and sat on my carpet floor contemplating if moving my body to leave for class was even worth it. Now I know, not everyone's college experience will be hard, but someone has to be there to tell you that it might be. I guess I'm the raw and honest twice-removed aunt that your family never wanted because she's the raincloud on sunny days.
But listen, I'm just here to save the sinking ship before you realize it's too late. I was too late, and I'm still too late, but I'm still learning. I'll learn to be okay, and I'll find friends that don't make me sad or boys that don't hurt my heart. I'm 18 and I have a lot of life left to live, so I should probably start living while I can.
