It's that time of the year again folks... when the nightmarish bombardment of college questions head your way.
Rolling up to Thanksgiving with your baby cuz.
Strutting in post pregame.
And when your Mom pulls you aside to ask if you're drunk...
"C'mon Mom, if College has taught me anything, it's to be most functioning drunk guy"
The criticisms keep coming when you go for three plates of food.
"I've been perpetually starving for three whole months. Let me have this!"
Dinner begins and Aunt Peggy brings up politics.
Don't do this. Not today, Aunt Peggy.
So Grandma changes the subject and suddenly the college questions are flying your way.
And you gotta keep that #1 Grandaughter status.
"Have you made any friends?"
The library and I are real tight. Best of friends really. I offer it a warm, dying body and it gives me silence to bask in hell.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
I often fall asleep to the voice of Michael Scott, so if you consider "The Office" a legitimate relationship, then yes. I know I do...
"Are you just loving it at school?"
It's the greatest trip to the underworld I could have imagined.
"Are you eating well, sleeping right, and taking care of yourself?"
Was that a joke?
Your cousin chimes in with how well they're doing.
So you gotta throw down some harsh criticisms.
But the family's there judging you judging, so you gotta act like you're not judging.
But you're still judging.
So when cousin Jane says she's traveling abroad with her best girlfriend and your family is stark-republican.
Revenge is sweet, Jane.
But deep down you're real butt hurt.
