Coming from New Jersey down to South Carolina, I have been bombarded with conversations about Him more than ever before. You know, Him? The man upstairs. Yup, I’m talking about God. Although I had attended an Episcopal church when I was younger, I could tell you little to nothing about Christianity. Looking back a year from now, I would tell you how I thought this guy was a fictional character that Christians followed to give them something to believe in. But, here I am today. Actually, I couldn’t really tell you where I am today in my faith.
Starting college, I had taken an Intro to World Religions course to broaden my horizons on this whole religion thing. Learning about other religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, and Islam was undeniably eye-opening. When we dug into Christianity I almost wanted to roll my eyes and skip over it. Why? I was so open to learning about everyone else’s faith, but when it came to the one I was raised on I didn’t want to give it a second thought. I blame this on being dragged to my denominational church as a child. Or maybe I should blame it on my lack of knowledge of the religion prior. But anyway, I have recently been giving it somewhat of a second chance.
Thanks to my Jesus-loving roommate, I have been enlightened about God on the daily. She has introduced me to a church that I actually enjoy getting up for on Sunday morning. I take in the pastor’s words with the greatest respect. I love hearing people talk about their passions, and for a lot of people I have met recently, that passion is God. Although, it isn’t something I find in myself. Sometimes I do feel somewhat envious of these people that talk as if they have actually spoken with Him. And they would tell me that’s because they have. I ask myself if maybe that is something I want in my life? How could I have these magical conversations with God too?
This is where things get weird. I have never considered myself a believer of God, and I still don’t for that matter. It is as though I am almost begging myself to believe in Him because I want what I hear He has to offer, but I know it doesn’t quite work like that. I tell myself I am waiting for a “sign” that’ll bring me to some spiritual fruition. I know it’s been a while and maybe He just never expected me to return but here I am!
I’m still unsure as to where I stand or want to stand in religion and that is OK. I learned to love the spiritual journey and take it day by day, no rush. Regardless of where you are in your faith, who or what you choose to believe in, it’s most important to follow what you want to believe in, even if you haven’t found it just yet.
