First, I want you to take a second to just breathe, you are doing just fine. Don't worry about your homework due in three hours, don't worry about the exam you have in two days that you're "going to fail", don't worry about that one LON-CAPA problem that you've tried eight times already and still can't get, don't worry about not knowing what you don't even know in some of your classes, don't worry about anything right now. Just sit there and breathe and understand that you have your life more figured out than you think.
College is a scary thing/place/concept/idea...whatever you want to call it. No one actually ever really warned us about the reality of it. It makes you question what you're going to do with your life more times than you ever thought was possible. And it makes you think that your whole entire future is now dependent on that one chemistry exam that you studied your ass off for two and a half weeks only to get a 36% (happened to me). Truth is it's not, and I know that in the moment it feels like it is, but trust me - your future is and has so much more to it than a couple of failed exam grades. Let me say that again, your future is and has so much more to it than exam grades.
Give yourself some credit for how far you have come. Some people don't even make it as far as college and for that, I think you owe yourself some credit. College is fun, stressful, challenging, confusing and so much more. But you're trying your best and that is the only thing that you can do, in fact, it's the only thing that matters.
You're going to sit in lecture sometimes wondering how everyone around you already knows whats going on, and you're going to have mental breakdowns about it and in general. But when you have those breakdowns, let yourself let it all out. If going on a run will help you forget about things, then go on a run. If crying your eyes out is going to make you feel better, then cry.
It's okay to cry...
Even if you have no reason to (I didn't know how much I could cry until I got to college). But understand, you are not alone. There are so many people that are clueless on which path they want to take AND THAT'S OKAY. There is no set law that says you have to know which career path you want to take at the age of 18 or else it's the end of the world...I know it seems like everyone around you has their life together but I promise you most people you ask what they want to do with their life will respond with, "I have no idea what I'm doing with my life right now" or, "I'm on the pre-med track but the classes are kicking my ass so, I'm not sure" or something within those lines. And if they respond with, "I'm an accounting major in the college of business, I'm apart of x amount of clubs, I volunteer at x and I have a summer internship" that's okay too. Does that mean that you are not going anywhere with your future? NO. Does it sound overwhelming? Sure it does, but that does not mean anything about your future.
I know it's not the best feeling, feeling hopeless and confused on where you might end up in the near future, but for right now, it's okay. One day you will find your passion and you will figure it out. It's not going to be today or tomorrow or next week or maybe not even next year but you will figure it out, and when you do, you're going to remember all the hard work you put in, all of the hours spent in the library trying to figure out that one chemistry problem, all the tears, confusion, and stress that you went through and from there you will only do amazing things and you will finally understand what it feels like to have your life together. But for now, give yourself a break. Give yourself the credit that you actually deserve for once and stop comparing yourself to the people around you. You are trying your best, and you're going to do amazing things once you allow yourself to accept that you don't have your life completely figured out. It's going to be a bumpy ride at times, but the only thing you can do is let life happen and not let it get in the way of your hopes and dreams. You are doing just fine. Allow yourself to take a second to let yourself breathe from time to time and remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
