For the past few weeks, my friends and I have been trying to find an apartment to live in next year. We're growing up. We've outlived the dorm room phase, and like the strong independent women we are, we're ready to take on a new type of living environment. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, it hasn't been entirely that simple. Just searching for a place to live has stressed all of us out. I realized I know next to nothing about how one obtains an apartment, and when I found out that utilities weren't included in overall prices, I just about had a meltdown. I mean, I'll be 20 years old before the end of the year and still don't actually know how to pay a bill.

On that note, I've recently been faced with a harsh reality. What is that you might ask? Well, it's the fact that, while I've changed a lot over the past few years–from learning how to live on my own away from my family, to buying my own groceries, keeping up with scholarship and financial aid information, and even to simply learning to drive in big city traffic–I still have a lot of growing up to do.

College has given me a chance to be more independent than I ever was in high school, or at any point in my life beforehand, but I still don't quite feel as much like an adult as I thought I would. I mean, when I came to school last year, I didn't even bring my car, and that alone actually made me feel a little younger than I did when I actually was younger. Still, bringing a car this year wasn't anything life changing, and I'm not really sure it turned out being as significant a source of independence as I thought it would be. Besides that, I still don't manage my time very well, still stay up way too late working on school work, spend an unnecessarily large amount of time in the library, and can honestly say I drink more coffee on a daily basis than any normal person should probably be consuming. I might technically be an adult, but that still doesn't mean I've "grown up."

I think that I've often confused being an adult with being grown up. Yes, I'm an adult, I've taken on more responsibility and I try to make mature decisions that I know will positively impact my future, but these things don't indicate that I've "grown up." I'm still growing up. Every single day I'm learning how to be the best version of myself I can be. I'm learning to be smarter and stronger, I'm learning how to cook more than just macaroni and cheese, how to talk on the phone without sounding noticeably nervous, and yes, I'm learning how to get an apartment for next year and pay utility bills.

I'm still learning the ropes of this crazy thing call life, and I still have to call my mom for help on a daily basis. Maybe I'll never achieve that ideal "grown up" state, and maybe that's okay because maybe that state simply isn't attainable. When it comes down to it, maybe every day should be an opportunity to learn and grow up just a little bit more.