I personally, along with a couple of my friends, went into our first year of college with boyfriends from high school. Regardless of being exclusive or not, I realized, from both first and second-hand experience, that maintaining a high school relationship in college doesn't work.
I’m not trying to crush dreams here or anything. You'll probably defend my argument by saying "our love is strong enough to withstand distance." And just like every other high schooler in love, I believed this too. My high school sweetheart and I spent every waking second together. He was my best friend and partner in crime. We had always dreamed of a forever. But, there was an impending expiration date to our relationship: college.
And it doesn't matter whether you’ll be across the country, a drive away, or even at the same school. Your Freshman year is a time to be single. It’s not even really about seeing other people, despite the popular belief that Freshman year is all about partying and sleeping around before you have to focus more on studying and settle down. What is important, however, is that you dedicate this year to learning about yourself. For the first time in your life, you live independently. No rules or guidance, but just the head on your shoulders to make your own decisions.
And, if you grew up similar to me, you've been in a very familiar place with the same people since pre-school to the present. College is probably the first chance at a real fresh start you’ve ever had. In order to take full advantage of this freedom, you need to learn and grow on your own. At first, my friends and I didn’t understand how having a boyfriend back at home would stand in the way of this. Slowly but surely we learned in our different ways, but it’s not something that went noticed until changes were made.
After a while, the daily FaceTime calls and constant texts I would receive diminished. It didn't take any drama for the lack of communication to happen. Regular communication was just difficult. My boyfriend and I were just busy and on very different schedules. Although at first upsetting, even heartbreaking, it took me until then to realize that without his comfort I was growing into myself more than ever. It wasn’t until then that I realized that not having a boyfriend in college was for the better.
I no longer had someone to text when I was feeling lonely or for advice on every little problem that would pop up. Rather, I forced myself to be more proactive and present in my life. Instead of locking myself in my room and calling him, I made the time to roam the halls of my dorm and meet people. Those were the nights when some of my best memories were made. I went out more often and valued my friendships much more.
It’s true what they say that when one door closes, another opens. Letting go was difficult, but in doing so I became stronger. I truly learned how to love myself above all else and allowed myself to form beautiful friendships…the kinds of friendships I didn’t even know existed. I strongly believe that everyone owes it to themselves to feel this independent and free their first year of college just as strongly as I believe that it can’t be fully achieved having a partner back at home.
