Growing up, I was convinced I had the best family ever. My brother and I are five years apart and up until I was around fifteen, we were inseparable. I'm talking, parents asked my parents what they did to make us "like each other." That is my baby brother, I love him, and I loooved playing with him as a kid. As far as my relationship with my parents, I told them everything. And I have always been much harder on myself than they are, so they didn't have to "parent" me as much as most. Because of that, they were also able to be my best friends, without trying to be friends instead of parents.
We used to travel a lot too and we would ALWAYS have a good story to tell. We joke and say all of our travels are "adventures" because there is never a dull moment with us. In third grade, we moved and got a much bigger house than we previously had. It's a three floor, five bedroom house, and over seventy-percent of the time, we ended up in the same room together. We didn't have to be talking or doing something together, we just liked being around each other.
Now, I'm talking in the past tense as if that doesn't happen anymore. And that's not necessarily the case. I still LOVE my brother, talk to my parents, travel with them, goof off with them, and love spending time with them. But it's different.
I was the teenager who did not WANT to go off to college. In fact, I asked my parents if I could go to school back home. They said I could, but I would still live on campus instead of at home. Their reasoning isn't that they don't love me or don't want me home, but neither of them got the true living-on-campus college experience and they want that for me.
I can't be mad at them for trying to give me something they didn't have. But one of the biggest factors in me not wanting to leave was me not wanting my family dynamics to change. We were quite literally the most open, fun, and loving family I knew. I LOVED how we interacted with each other and hung out like best friends. I love my family. I wasn't ready for that to change. I knew it would, but I wasn't prepared.
Part of life is change, but I wasn't ready for my family to change.
Eight weeks into school, and things are definitely different. My brother and I rarely talk except for when I'm in town. Don't get me wrong, we're still able to mess around like we used to, but unless I'm there, we aren't like how we used to be. My parents and I don't REALLY talk everyday like we used to either. I text and call, but we don't have deeper conversations as much as we did in the past. When I go home, it feels like they usually have plans already that they can "fit" me into, but weren't intended for me originally.
Now, I'm not saying I don't still love my family. We are definitely still much closer than many families I know. But compared to what it was, it's lacking connection.
So family, I love you. And I miss you. I'm all for progression, but let's take baby steps, okay? Let's hang out some time.
