I have always found peace in the now. I have always found joy living in the present moment. Recently, I have realized that I become so content within the present, that I often find myself fearing the future when a change is coming. I fear what the future may bring me. I fear that the change coming will not be as good as how the present is. I don't want the change to change who I am, or affect me in a negative way.
As I head back to school, so much change is about to come. Although I have experienced similar changes before, going into freshman year last summer, I still am afraid of what is to come in just a few days. I have become so settled into a routine of being at home all summer with my family and friends, and on a consistent work schedule. Now with a change of routine coming, I am nervous about what to expect.
I will be moving into a new apartment, starting new classes, and starting the year off with sorority events that I have yet to experience. I will be on my own again and will need to become completely independent again. I will need to go to each of my new classes and begin working hard on them again.
So, I must admit. I am afraid of the future. It is one of my biggest fears. I fear the unexpected, and fear experiences that I haven't gone through yet in my life. I don't want to face something that is difficult for me to handle. I guess that in a way, I just want the easy way out in life. I want my life to be easy and laid back, but doesn't everyone?
I shouldn't make it seem that change is such a bad thing, that change is a danger to us. Because, sometimes, change can be an amazing thing and change our life for the better, But, we will never truly know what a change will bring until the change has begun.
We have a 50/50 chance at whether a change will be good or bad. This chance is out of our control.
I have to accept that it is okay for me to be afraid.
Through all of this fear I have recently faced, I try to focus on the things that I do in fact look forward to. To name a few, I look forward to setting up my apartment, seeing my friends, beginning classes that I am actually interested in, and hopefully becoming more settled into my home away from home. It is hard for me to focus on this instead of the negativity, but at least I am giving it a shot.
Although all of this change brings a large amount of fear to me, I can only wish for the best and hope to eventually feel content in all that is to come in a few days.