My first hour of my freshman year of high school, my first ever high school class, was Spanish 1A. I sat in a back corner against a window, closest to the white board. It just so happened that, at my high school, announcements were done during first hour; and the Pledge of Allegiance was recited before the announcements began. So, since it was Spanish class, we recited the Pledge in Spanish. We even had a quiz to ensure we knew how to do it right.

"Yo prometo, lealtad, a la bandera de los Estados Unidos. Y a la republica, que representa, una nacion, bajo dios, individsible, con libertad y justicia para todos."

But semester after semester, less and less people stood for the Pledge. I stood most days, but I always stopped and sat down before saying, "with liberty and justice for all." because I simply didn't believe that that sentence was true. As a fourteen, fifteen year old high school student who had the idea of social justice and feminism in her brain but didn't have the knowledge to fully grasp the importance of injustices, I knew that there isn't liberty and justice for all in America.

I recall a few teachers who were essentially disgusted that we were "too lazy" to recite the Pledge of Allegiance; and it was such a shame because people died for our right to say what we want and we can't even say the Pledge? I had one teacher who said that the brave men and women who risked their lives for us gave us the right to sit and not participate in the Pledge, but it was disrespectful to do so.

Come senior year, I was one of the students who read the announcements in the morning and therefore recited the Pledge. There were many times when I thought about not saying the last part of the Pledge, the part I always leave out while saying the announcements. Because that's my view, right? I'm allowed to have my own opinions and I should be able to freely express my opinions, even if it was in front of the whole school? But I never did, I always just left them out. I didn't want to spark controversy and I didn't want to cause trouble, especially since I was a heavily involved student and my name was pretty out there.

I still feel this way about the Pledge of Allegiance, much more so now that I've become significantly more educated in the past year. But I've never expressed this view to anyone or told people I feel this way. So when there was outcry on social media because Colin Kaepernick did not stand during the Star Spangled Banner, I thought to my own experiences with the poetry that forces patriotism. I stand behind Kaepernick's decision to sit during a song he doesn't believe in, and I admire his bravery for that. I finished the Pledge of Allegiance every morning out of fear of what the school community would think/do... Colin Kaepernick did what I always thought of doing and facing all the backlash in America.

But why do Kaepernick and I feel the way we do? Why do we feel that we should hold back from showing an immense amount of pride for our country? Well, maybe because our country isn't something we are particularly proud of. Kaepernick decided not to stand for the sake of the people of color who suffered from police brutality. I did not say "with liberty and justice for all" because of the injustices that Muslim Americans like Deah, Razan, and Yusor, like those who I've mentioned in my previous article, and, honestly, like any American who isn't a straight, white, privileged male.

Privilege is an issue in this country, not a professional athlete practicing the "freedom" people who have privilege preach and thrive on. Privilege is shaming that athlete, by telling him that he's what's wrong with the country while he's protesting the issues that deserve outcry. Truth be told, I am so sick of people standing up (or in this case, sitting down) for what they believe in being attacked and causing a ridiculous amount of controversy. I am sick and tired of not being patriotic enough, not being American enough, not just shutting up and becoming succumbing to the roles that white male privilege has put in place.

So I won't. I won't be the kind of patriotic that people want Colin Kaepernick to be. I won't be "American." I will not a victim of white male privilege. Neither will Colin Kaepernick, and neither will those of us who feel the same. We are the Americans who crave progression, change, real freedom, real liberty, and real justice (for all).