I remember when we met like it was yesterday. My parents let me have my first cup of caffeinated goodness at the age of five and, since that day, I haven’t looked back. Our relationship has evolved over the years as I’ve grown fonder of your strong taste and energizing abilities; We went from hanging out on an occasional basis to being in a committed relationship. Without you, I’d be nothing but an exhausted college student. What can I say? I’m in love.
A Coffee Addict
WARNING: Coffee addictions are serious, life-altering conditions. Side effects may include increased alertness, mood changes, and the ability to function in 8:00 a.m. classes. You may be suffering from a coffee addiction if:
1. It’s the first thing you think about when you wake up.
You know what I’m talking about… your alarm goes off and, no matter what time it is, it feels too early. You let out a sigh and think about how many cups it’s going to take just to get you to 9:00 a.m.
2. One cup is NEVER enough.
You’ve reached a point where you can’t just rely on one cup anymore. One cup right when you get out of bed? Maybe. But one cup for the day? Nice try.
3. A Starbucks gift card is the way to your heart.
Starbs (or Dunkin’) gift cards are the best thing anyone can give you. Coffee without thinking about the burden on your wallet AND a chance to rack up rewards points is a dream come true.
4. You’ve just accepted the fact that you have coffee breath.
When you’re drinking several cups of coffee every day, coffee breath is inevitable. Luckily, it’s nothing a mint or chewing gum can’t fix!
5. When necessary, you can finish a cup in just a few minutes.
Running low on time and still need that morning boost? It may not be as leisurely, but you can definitely down a coffee in no time. Is your coffee too hot? Iced coffee can double as a caffeine IV! No need to wait for it to cool.
6. It’s near impossible to study for an exam without your late-night boost.
No matter the hour, you can count on coffee to help get you through. If you’re truly dedicated, you know which coffee shops are open for 24 hours so you can save yourself the hassle of hunting down the studying essentials.
7. You try to normalize your coffee-drinking habits, only to end up with a massive withdrawal headache.
You try to scale back and wait to have a cup of coffee until you really need it. Oh, but the headache… it’s too much. The solution is clear: a cup of coffee. Your headache is no more!
8. You have a thing for fun mugs.
You have travel mugs, cups with cute sayings on them, and a mug that you secretly like better than all the others (probably the one that holds the most coffee or adequately prevents spillage). Nothing is worse than spilling coffee on your shirt!
9. Spending money on other things is out of the question, but you don’t hesitate when it comes to buying coffee.
Who needs clothing, food, or new tires when you can have coffee? Let’s stick to the essentials here people! You’ve probably spent enough at your local coffee shop to own a portion of the building and you don’t even give it a second thought.
10. People assume you’re naturally energetic or worse… a morning person.
You laugh and go along with it because you know you would be nowhere near this pleasant without caffeine.
11. You live for the thrill of exploring new coffee shops.
While it may feel like a bit of a tug to your current shop loyalty, you’re always down to find a new place to spend time enjoying your favorite beverage.
12. You know you might have a problem and you OWN IT!
When people express concern about your coffee-drinking habits, you remind them that your lifestyle is in the best interest of everyone. Coffee makes you whole and you know it.