If Every College Stereotype Was An Alcoholic Beverage

If Every College Stereotype Was An Alcoholic Beverage

Everyone has their taste in people, just as everyone has their taste in alcohol.

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The definition of college is this: 10-page papers, brutal exams, and binge drinking on the weekends. While you spend your time there, you do end up following some sort of stereotype, whether you like it or not.


1. Frat Brothers/Sorority Sisters: Natty Light or Jungle Juice

"Who do you know here?" These are your Vineyard Vines, Sperry-clad party boys and sweet girls. They want to be messed up, binge drink, and want their frat house guests to partake in the same. Natty Light is bland and easy to find, like most frat guys. (Not all of them are this way. There are a few decent ones, but most follow the stereotype.) They've got money to throw and Natty is cheaper than most, so they can buy a lot of it. Jungle juice is the opposing gender–the female army. Most sorority girls are nice and inclusive, like the jungle juice mixture itself.

2. Gym Rats/Student Athletes: Four Loko

"Square up, bro. How much do you lift?" These are the people whose dedication to health and sports are insane, just like Four Loko. Anyone who drinks Four Loko has a death wish. Sometimes, athletes go far beyond the normal workout regimen to achieve peak athleticism. Those athletes are the equivalent of people who shotgun Four Lokos, which is a whole different level of crazy.

3. Hipsters: Blue Moon or an IPA

"But I liked the Lumineers before they were even cool." This alcohol choice shouldn't be shocking, even to the hipsters. Any drink that is really hoppy will attract hipsters. These are the "cool" drinks that are aesthetically pleasing in design, much like a hipster's wardrobe. No one can disagree that their general style isn't cool looking, it's just the obnoxious few that ruin hipsters for everyone. But these people are an acquired taste, much like IPAs or beer in general.

4. Club-goers: Trash Can

"Hey, wanna dance?" We all know the club regulars. These are the people whose tolerance is through the roof. They go clubbing every night, even with a life-altering exam the following day at 8 A.M. No matter the theme night, they're there and they're down for anything. Trash cans are drinks that get you messed up quickly and are as reckless and careless as the club-goers themselves. They not only down these like apple juice, but they'd probably bathe in those cheap drinks to prepare for the next day of partying and creepily walking up behind people instead of asking them to dance.

5. Student Government: Wine 

"Fight for your right!" For those who are sophisticated and have their shit together, wine is the perfect drink. They fight to better the school and to make it better for the students who attend. They're cool, calm, and collected–like most wine. Plus, wine just makes you feel cool when you drink it.

6. Country folk: Bud Light or Moonshine 

"Boi, howdy." This is also pretty unsurprising when one thinks of the country music-loving, custom truck folk. You barely see them, especially when they're wearing camo. You'll never see them coming, much like moonshine's effect. You don't think that moonshine will creep on you that quickly, but it does. There's nothing wrong with this group of people, except for the fact that they like Bud Light.

7. Student employees: Burnett's 

"No, the floatie belt doesn't go with the kickboards." As a student employee, all I need after a long shift is a strong drink. While Burnett's is the Natty Light of vodkas, it gets the job done. Student employees do their jobs and do them well. They have to start paying for college somehow, so their jobs matter. Also, Bernie is a great mixer and helps everyone get along. It rewards those who work hard so that the rest of the students don't have to.

8. Grad students: Whiskey

Older and wiser–much like the maturity of whiskey–they've been through enough college and just want to be ahead of their competition in the real world. Sometimes, the pressures of extra schooling lead them to harder liquor. Who can blame them? They're killing the game and will have a higher-paying job right out of school than we undergrads will. Just know that grad students, no matter their school, are going through a lot and whiskey tends to be the answer.

While not everyone follows their stereotypes, each alcohol fits them perfectly. No one can prove me wrong. No matter how bad these cliques seem, you always end up in one. You might not realize it right away, but you will soon. I just hope it isn't during a drunk revelation because then that turns to alcoholism.

Good luck figuring yourself out!

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A Letter To My Dancers

Everything your dance teacher wants you to know.
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When anyone (especially a child) chooses to invest their time, talent, and passion into dancing, it's nothing to take lightly. These kids spend more time with me at the studio than they do at home with their parents. Before long, they're my "kids," too. When I only have an hour to lead a warm-up, teach choreography, and rehearse a number, there isn't much time to express the thoughts and feelings I'd necessarily like to. Being a dance teacher is the most spectacular and rewarding job - and I want my students to know that. Between the great rehearsals and the frustrating ones, the competitions and recitals, and the endless hours we spend together each week, there are just a few reminders I need to share with them.

Dear Dancers,

Please love yourself and love what you do with every ounce of your being. Do it with so much passion that your heart wants to burst. Dance is the most special thing; it's something we are privileged and lucky to have, so don't take it for granted.

Please believe in yourself. You are worthy. You are talented. You are strong and capable of everything you set your mind to. Strive to be the best version of yourself every day, not the reflection of the girl next to you. Dance like you. Move like you. Experiment and find what makes you, you. Be an individual. Trust me when I say I don't want 20 carbon-copied robots. I want you.

Trust that I have your best interest in mind. Sometimes my choices and decisions won't make sense, you might be confused, hurt or frustrated, but keep the faith that I'm on your side. I don't want to see you fail, and I'll do everything in my power to help you find the success you're looking for.

I want you to succeed, but for me to do that, you need to tell me what you need. Do you need the counts again? Do you need me to review the transition to floor one more time? If you understand, tell me. If you don't, tell me that, too. Be vocal, be present, be smart, and be prepared. Practice on the sides. Pay attention to the small details. Ask questions. Don't be late, and definitely don't forget your choreography. Take responsibility for your responsibilities and lead by example. Do you have any remote idea how many children look up to you? Who want to be just like you someday? Dance just like you? Kids watch, listen, and copy. Make sure the behaviors you're teaching them are behaviors you're proud of.

Make memories with your dance family while you still can. Cherish every 9 a.m. Saturday morning rehearsal, every competition you attend, every fundraising event, and every team sleepover. It'll be gone so fast. You're going to miss these days. Please, enjoy them.

Don't compare yourself to other dancers. You are you, and nobody can do "you" better than yourself. Don't wish away your abilities by secretly wishing you had Suzie's feet, Betsy's port de bras, or Charlie's center. The only thing you need to worry about is being a better version of yourself than you were the day before. You are your only competition, so don't be too hard on yourself. Be kind to your mind and body. You work day in and day out to perfect your craft and artistry. You work to mold and create yourself. You'll be rewarded with time if you keep fighting and don't give up. Usually when you want to throw in the towel, it's after you don't get the part you wanted or you don't make the team you hoped to. What you need to understand is the answer isn't "No," the answer is "Not yet." You know you're trying and working hard, and those efforts don't go unnoticed -- even if it seems they are.

Please, remember that it's not going to always be fair. You're going to be let down, and you're going to feel disappointed from time to time. You're not always going to win the trophy. You're not always going to get the featured solo part, and not everyone can be the front row and center dancer. This doesn't mean you're "bad" and this doesn't mean you're not "meant" to dance either.

Quite frankly, it's just how it works, you guys. It doesn't mean I don't like you, and it doesn't mean the dancer who does have the solo is my favorite. The dancer just might be more talented. Yeah, I said it. They might have better lines, straighter knees, or stronger stage presence, and that is entirely okay. You're going to run into this for the rest of your adult life. Someone is going to be smarter, more qualified, more desirable for a particular job or position. So instead of despising and resenting these dancers (and especially me), try to learn from them instead. You'll learn more from each other than you could imagine. But if you take away one thing from this, know that you are still worthy of my best training, my best analogies, my best choreography -- whether you are featured, in the third row, or even off-stage for the turn section.

As your teacher, it's my job to teach. Learning (and learning correctly) requires close attention to detail, incredible focus, and a plethora of corrections on my part. Yes, I will go out of my way to critique you, and I will continually tell you what needs fixing until it's fixed. I might have to tell you over and over and over again. And you know, I might even get frustrated with you once in awhile because of it, but here's what you need to understand: This doesn't make me mean or a bad teacher. This doesn't mean I hate you. What it does mean is that I see potential in you and I want to help. I just have to ask, do you see what I see in you? Do you see the talent and abilities I see?

Corrections are good. Success is an incredibly long and never ending process that takes time, but the corrections I give you are helping you get one step closer. So next time you catch yourself getting upset about receiving the same critique week after week or you want to complain about how mean I am, please remember that my intent is not malicious. I'm doing my job.

It's also my job to instill perseverance, dedication, discipline, trust, humility, confidence, creativity, bravery, and strong work ethic into you. I want to push your limits. Test you. Challenge you. I want to mold you into the person you want to be. Even though you probably don't even know who that person is, I do.

There are so many possibilities, opportunities, and challenges that are out there once you enter the world of adulthood. The dance world is so much bigger than your studio, competition routines, and conventions. At the end of the day, no one remembers or cares (especially your future employers) if you won a quadruple diamond platinum plus on your lyrical solo in 2016. They don't care about your first place overall at Showbiz. They don't care if you're Teen Miss Winner of the World. They don't care. What people do care about is your character, your heart, and how you made them feel.

Dancers, I will always support you. Whether you want to pursue a professional dance career in Los Angeles or New York City, in a company overseas, on your college dance team, I will support you. Whether you want to teach dance or choreograph locally in town, I will support you. Whether you don't want to dance at all and maybe be an engineer or a cosmetologist, I will support you. I will always fuel your dreams, goals, and desires, no matter where they'll take you.

I love you and I'm proud of you.

Sincerely,

Your Dance Teacher


Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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