I love 13 Reasons Why just as much, maybe even more, than the typical white girl. And I agree, this show has been the beginning of the much-needed conversation about mental health and suicide prevention. However, we're going about this conversation in the completly wrong way.
The popular scene has been floating around my Twitter feed for a week now (although I haven't gotten to this episode yet so no spoilers, please), it shows Clay Jensen sitting in Mr. Porter's office. Mr. Porter says to Clay, "You can't love someone back to life." and Clay replies, "You can try."
WHAT!?! Is this not disturbing to anybody else?
Why does Clay think that his love could have saved Hannah? Somebody else's love can not, and will not ever, save someone from their mental illness. It's all about saving yourself. The average person is not Clay Jensen. Clay is a fictional character. They will not willingly try to love you back to your healthy self while you battle your suicidal thoughts. Sorry to ruin every romantic hope that John Green and now 13 Reasons Why have planted into your mind that might suggest otherwise, but it's not realistic. Depression is not beautiful, so why are we attempting to romanticize it as if it is?
When someone's sad, as much as they want to believe that they're going to meet their Prince Charming/Clay Jensen and fall in love and magically be saved, that is never going to happen. Because guys like Clay Jensen don't exist. No one is going to kiss your scars. No one is going to tell you how pretty you are when you're crying because you can't find the will to live. And that's because seeing someone you love hurt themselves is terrifying, and no one is going to willingly put themselves in that situation. And that person's love isn't going to make you better either. It isn't going to make the illness go away. It's about time we stop acting like it will. Being in a relationship, falling in love, none of that can fix you; none of that is a substitute for mental health treatment.
We can't keep pretending that Hannah Baker's character was tragically beautiful and that her depression somehow made her interesting and mysterious. We can't keep romanticizing her depression because this show makes it seem like this serious, life threatening illness is just some quirky fad that makes people drawn to you. Realistically, depression does NOT make people drawn to you, it turns them away because it is scary, and not beautiful, and deserves to be treated by something other than "someone else's love".
