As I make my way back to my hometown I look out at all the little towns with endless fields surrounded by a few factories and one or two billboards. Growing up in Los Angeles, I was always surrounded by constant noise and attention. Now it’s refreshing to be able to sit in silence and have the stars be visible at night. It’s very common for small town kids to move to the big city where they are introduced to the harsh reality that is “the real world”. However, I was a city girl who moved to a small town for college in order to have a less hectic experience. This is not as common, but it is my reality. What I've discovered in the past three years is that people are shaped, first and foremost, by their environment.
When I moved to the Central Valley I was allowed to be someone. “I’m from LA,” I would say. This became my identity. However, this was only ever followed by one question.
“Well, what are you doing here, then?”
The number of times I received that question was the same amount of times I've asked myself this very thing during trying times.
In the city, people always seem to be too busy to stop and talk and it’s rare to even exchange glances with someone as you make your way down the street. Los Angeles is a concrete jungle where everybody is from somewhere else. You cannot tell people in Los Angeles “I’m from LA,” and have it mean anything.
Moving away from the chaos has allowed me to see Los Angeles in a new light. It’s like being a tourist in your own city again. You begin to realize how great it is to be in a vibrant city full of excitement, ambition, and drive. There is so much diversity and you become inspired with everyone’s story because everyone seems to have a story on how they ended up here.
Living in a small town has taught me to smile at strangers and have honest conversations. People live for high school football games and their mom’s lemonade. Small town kids enjoy local baseball games, cruising with their friends in their favorite park. This introduced me to a simpler way of living. I will keep everyone who I met along the way with me because ultimately these are the people who made me a kinder person. They reminded me that we can’t get caught up in the city lights and we must remember to live for the small things. I am blessed to have this new mentality.
For many people, the main reason people move out to big cities like San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York are for their jobs and with that they are forced to leave behind their hometown, friends and family. Many realize that the city life isn’t for them and they begin to miss their friends and family leading them to choose to move back home. I, however, appreciate how lucky I am to have a family that lives in the big city because I still get to be in the place I love most with the people that I love most.
For a while, I had been feeling very stuck in the small town I moved to. But I have since started to realize that the reason I felt so down was because, in a way, I did step backward. I’m incredibly grateful for the decision I made to move because it has shaped me into the person I am today, but if I want to grow, I needed to realize that it is necessary to move forward. It’s always good to move away from where you grew up, even for a little while. However, I cannot fit in where I was never from and share the excitement here that people do for their local high schools games.
I would not have come to this realization if I had never left Los Angeles because I wouldn't know what it was like to not be from Los Angeles. Now, I’m finally excited to actually go out and explore places in the city that I know best.
This world will continue to take me to new places as long as I allow it to. But my home will always be the home of the 'lost angels' and that’s OK with me.
