The holiday season is one of giving joy, hope, cheer, and your money to people who sometimes don't deserve it. Whether it's from an unfortunate draw from the Secret Santa hat or a certain relative in your family, at some point everyone has to buy a gift for "that person." Here are seven things to buy for that one person you just can't stand this year.
1. A kudzu plant
Oh, but not just any old plant. From the outside, the kudzu plant looks innocent and sweet, but little does the person receiving this plant know that it is actually wildly invasive and will aggressively take over their garden (and maybe their house). Encourage them to hang the vine in a nice plant hanger on their porch or in a cute pot by their garden, then just wait.
2. Toilet paper
The look of confusion on their face may tempt you to burst out laughing, but don't. Simply say it's a metaphor. Do not tell them it's because they're a crappy person. That's for you to know and for them to find out.
3. An empty box of Oreos (or any treat)
Everyone knows the frustration of going into the pantry to find that someone but the box of your favorite treats back on the shelf EMPTY. This holiday season, capture that moment of hatred in a thoughtful gift. If you really want to mess with them, fill the box with rolls of coins or something that makes the box seem full.
4. A box/envelope of glitter
It's festive, it's fun, and it's a f**cking mess. Just imagine the rigorous vacuuming required when the glitter explodes everywhere.
5. Hillary Clinton's book for the Republican...
What's better than the gift of a quality, liberal-leaning explanation of that nightmare of an election for that special someone in your life that would rather burn themselves alive than touch something Secretary Clinton wrote?
6. ...and a "Make America Great Again" hat for the Democrat
You can always play this one off as a joke, but you may not be able to get a word through the blood-curdling scream that will erupt out of said Democrat upon opening it.
The classic "you've been so naughty this year that I got you a limited natural resource" never gets old. Plus, it will remind them of their childhood when their parents threatened coal for Christmas.