What is it about this time of year that is so irritating, grinding on your nerves, leaving you feeling angry, and making you so short-tempered? Thought you liked Christmas time? Well, you are wrong. Here are five reasons why Christmas actually sucks.
1. Christmas Music Is Annoying
Is there actually any Christmas music you really like? Probably not, because all Christmas music is stupid! Would you ever listen to it if it weren't Christmas? I thought not. And why are the worst ones always sung by children? We get it Gayla, you want a hippopotamus for Christmas.
2. You Have To Spend Tons of Money On People You Don't Even Like
Ever pull the office Secret Santa name of your nemesis? (YEAH, BECKY IN ACCOUNTING, I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU!) Well, if not, you have been saved by a Christmas miracle, my friend, because all you want to get that nemesis (Becky in Accounting) is a flaming bag of dog poop and an invitation to f*ck off (I mean, why is she always so happy?), but instead you settle on a bottle of aromatherapy lotion because it is the "holiday season" and we should all show a little love, right? Wrong! I invite you to show up to your office Christmas party to give that person (I'm looking at you, Becky!) what they really deserve!
3. You Are Forced To Eat Until You Get Fat
Just when you thought your diet was starting to pay off, here comes the holiday season, your one stop fun shop of stuffing yourself to the point of gluttony. I was at a party last year where there were more pies than people. DOES ANYONE REALIZE HOW INSANE THAT IS? We could have each eaten an entire pie and had leftovers. The worst part is that the American culture encourages us to forgo the healthy and stuff our faces like pigs the moment we start hearing "Deck the Halls" on the radio. Well, I am sick of it! This year we don't need a Christmas ham, we need a Christmas Weight Watchers' membership.
4. No One Gets You The Stuff You Actually Want
You didn't ask for footie pajamas. You didn't want footie pajamas. Yet, Aunt Karen still felt it was important to make you footie pajamas! Who even gets a grown person footie pajamas? Obviously Aunt Karen. The worst kind of gift is the kind you can't return (and no I don't want in-store credit). Then there are the highly inappropriate gifts (ew dad, why did you buy me underwear?!?). People should just look at your Amazon wish-list or get you cash.
5. You Have To Watch The Same Bad Christmas Movies Every Year
The last time you watched the same movie 18 times was when you were three and rotated between three movies consistently. Except if it is a Christmas movie! Then you can never watch it too much. I'm calling bull-sh*t here! I will not sit through another showing of "Elf" or "A Christmas Story." And don't get me started on the sappy made-for-TV movies where the moral is love and family. I cannot watch another Christmas movie!
BUT...
When it comes down to it, Christmas isn't about the presents, the movies, the gifts, or the food. Christmas is about spending time with your friends and family, so this year, forget about the commercial stuff and give the gift of your time to your loved ones — it is the best gift you can get them.
