1. Breathe.

"So you don't suffocate." Literally and figuratively.

2. You have a soul!

"Be careful with it."

3. Don't be a turd...

"If you're strong, be a protector, and if you're smart be humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons, don't wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully."

4. When you're giving a dog medicine, put it in a tiny piece of hamburger.

"They won't even know they're eating medicine."

5. It doesn't matter what it is, earn it.

"A good deed? Reach out to someone in pain, be of service. It feels good and it's good for your soul."

6. God is real. God loves you. God wants the best for you.

"Believe that, I do."

7. If you have to poop at a party, but you're embarrassed, just do what I do: lock the door, sit down, get all the pee out first, then once all the pee's out, poop flush. Boom.

"You minimize the amount of time the poop is touching the air, because if you poop first it takes you longer to pee, and then you're peeing on top of it, stirring it up. Then the poop particles create a cloud that goes out, and then everyone in the party will know that you pooped. Just trust me."

8. Learn to pray.

"It's easy, and it's so good for your soul."

9. Nobody is perfect!

"People are going to tell you you're perfect just the way you are, you're not. You are imperfect. You always will be. But, there is a powerful force that made you that way, and if you're willing to accept that, you will have grace. Grace is a gift. And like the freedom that we enjoy, grace was paid for by somebody else's blood. Do not forget it. Don't take it for granted."