A) You have an 8:35 AM class. When do you wake up?
Option A: 6:30 AM because you commute
Option B: 7:30 AM because you live on campus
Option C: 8:15 AM because you set your alarm for 7:30 PM instead of AM
A: You wake up at 6:30 AM, fighting the crippling urge to sleep in. You get out of bed and jump in the shower, day dreaming of going back to sleep. You get dressed and make your way to the kitchen, where your fridge is in dire need of some grocery shopping. Despite the minimal offerings, you grab a bagel and let loose an evil chuckle as you think of your Sodexo-munching peers. You walk outside where your evil chuckle is quickly replaced by whimpering from the early morning cold. Damn, those kids on campus have it easy. Go to question B below!
B: You wake up at 7:30 AM, feeling pretty proud of yourself for all of the ample time you have to get ready and get to class. Jokes on you! The city of Detroit has shut off the water supply for your building and all that is coming out of the shower is brown sludge. You don’t fret too much about it though. Instead, you pull on a hat and spackle your armpit with deodorant. Your breath is rank, however, and you haven’t eaten yet so you venture downstairs in search of some gum and breakfast. As you approach Donna at the cash register, you realize you left your ID upstairs. You sit and wait for someone to scan the elevator for you, but no one ever comes. Unfortunately, you run out of all of the extra time you had and now you’re late. Better luck next time!
C: Oh, you’re screwed. You thought that after high school you would never have to deal with this alarm clock business ever again. You wish you could say this is the first time this has happened to you, but it just isn’t. In fact, your professor has heard this excuse one too many times and you’re looking at a grade drop if you don’t make it to class on time. You bounce out of bed in a state of panic, scrambling to put pants on and brush your teeth at the same time. Unfortunately, you never stood a chance at making it to class on time. Better luck next time!
B) You’ve made it out of your house. How do you get to class?
Option A: Drive
Option B: Shuttle
A: Driving seems like a good idea as you expertly speed through your neighborhood and onto the highway. You’ll be in class in no time. Suddenly, traffic comes to a halt. As you slowly crawl toward school on I-75 or 94, you see the delay is due to some sort of car accident on the side of the road. You’ll find out later that it was another burning freight truck or a man trying to watch porn and drive at the same time. Despite these hiccups, you make it to class not only on time, but with minutes to spare. Go to question C below!
B: You walk up to the stop to find the shuttle pulling off without you. You do a sort of sped up half-jog in an attempt to flag down the driver. She looks you in the eye through the rear view mirror and speeds off. No worries, you think, it’s such a busy time of the morning that there must be multiple shuttles in rotation. As upwards of 15 students cluster around you, you will wait for about 30 minutes before another shuttle comes your way. The drivers were on “lunch.” At 8:15 AM. Better luck next time!
C) You walk into class. Did you do the homework?
Option A: Yes, I’m so damn prepared.
Option B: No, I binge-watched Netflix and and face swapped with my cat until I fell asleep.
Option C: Almost, I have a little bit more to do so I’ll just try to finish it and be a few minutes late for class.
A: You’re ready. You may have stayed up all night to finish this project, but you woke up calm and confident knowing that you had all of your ducks in a row. You walk into class on time, sit down and smugly observe the anxious faces and last minute efforts of your peers. The masterpiece you have in your portfolio is above retouching. Bring on the permanent fixative. During critique your professor looks at it long and hard and utters those dreaded five words -- “It’s off to a good start.” Better luck next time!
B: You walk into class empty handed. You’re clutching your phone full of feline face swaps. “Why am I like this?” You ask yourself. Oddly enough, your professor isn’t at her desk. You take your seat and try to gather exactly how screwed you are. Finally, a woman walks in and tells your class that your professor has been accidentally hit in the head with an antique washboard. Class is cancelled. Though you feel bad for your professor, your prayers have been answered. Continue to D below!
C: You sit down in a lounge area close to your class. You’re aiming for about 15 minutes of work. Enough work that it looks like you tried, but not so late to class as to get an absence. You work a little past your self imposed deadline, but in your mind, it’s fine since your professor isn’t really that strict about roll call attendance. At 8:55 you walk in to class to find a substitute professor who took attendance at 8:35 on the dot and has already marked you as absent. Oh, and the homework deadline has been pushed to next week. Better luck next time!
