In the U.S., it's getting more common for women to focus on their careers in their 20s and get married later on in life. While women who choose to start building their lives with a career first do get looks and comments from strangers and loved ones alike, their perspective is becoming more and more accepted. In 2010, it was found that only 50% of women in the U.S. were married by age 29. Compare that to the 90% of women who were married by 29 in 1970, and you'll see just how much the view of marriage is changing.
There are several reasons why a woman would wait to get married, but the biggest most likely has to do with money. In a study done by the National Marriage Project, it was found that women who marry past age 30 earn more money. So not only do women get to focus on building a successful career by delaying marriage, but they also get to enjoy a higher socioeconomic status.
It makes sense; if you haven't got anyone special in your life that you're ready to marry, why not just focus on other aspects of your life and get that pay check while you're at it anyway? Well, in China, there's a serious societal pressure to get married that would discourage a young woman from doing that. Women who are in their late 20s and are not yet married are called sheng nu, or “leftover women.”
Because of the one-child policy that was introduced in China in the 70s – which just changed to a two-child policy January 1 of this year – parents are desperate to find a spouse for their children in order to continue the family line. If their child is in their late 20s or older, the parents often take it upon themselves to find a match for their child, with or without their knowledge.
Parents or eligible bachelors looking for women are usually very picky and look for a woman who is young, has never been married before, and is good-looking. That leaves the women who don't fit those categories as unmarried and a cause of worry for their parents. It's considered an embarrassment to have a leftover woman in the family, therefore, sheng nu is used as a derogatory term.
But why are unmarried women deemed “leftover” and unmarried men aren't? In fact, because of the one-child policy and sex-selective abortions that targeted female fetuses, there are actually many more Chinese men than women. By 2020, it's expected that there will be 24 million more men that women. Technically, it's those unmarried straight men who are leftover because there aren't enough women to pair up with. Yet the women are sheng nu.
What's also interesting is the effect that this is having on men. They aren't being reduced to “leftovers” like the women in China are, but they are being pressured to be successful in order to attract some bachelorettes – or better yet, the parents trying to set up bachelorettes. Ideas about masculinity are aligned with possessions like cars, houses, and money. So while women are expected to be young, unmarried, and beautiful, men are expected to be successful.
This isn't an unfamiliar story. We have similar gender norms in the U.S. The difference is that women in China are being punished for being successful and delaying marriage, while women in the U.S. are beginning to find better luck with that as more and more of them are breaking through the professional world and (temporarily or permanently) putting aside the domestic world. With the recent revoking of China's one-child policy, maybe the gender imbalance will eventually even out and there will be less pressure for young men and women to marry. Until then, let's hope that Chinese women won't be discouraged by the stigma surrounding their success and will continue to forge their way through the public sphere.
