I was just eleven years old when my parents separated. Since then, it has never been easy.
One of the hardest things I had with the divorce was that none of my friends had divorced parents. Not. A. Single. One. My friends were not able to understand what I felt, and there were not able to understand anything I was going through. They did not understand that I was surrounded by all these happy families, while my own family was falling apart. I could not help but question what had happened to my family.
They did not understand that one day my family was all living under the same roof, and the next day I became a child living in two households. Everything became different. My friends would always ask me if it was great having two of every Christmases and if it meant I got double presents. I never understood why they would ask me that. Did they honestly think I would rather have two Christmases than have my family together again?
They did not understand what living in two houses was like. They did not realize I saw one parent most of the time, while I only saw my other parent every other weekend. They did not realize I had a hard time thinking I belonged in the second home. I would only pack a duffel bag for the weekend, making me feel more like a visitor. I never left stuff at that house because it did not feel right. It did not feel right that we were not all together.
They did not understand that the divorce did not solve all problems. The arguments did not stop. It was like being in a constant battle with the parents of which one you would agree with more, or even love more.
My friends did not understand how the divorce changed every part of me. My whole way of thinking of things completely altered, and parts of my personality changed too.
Whenever I hear about other parents getting divorced, I instantly have so much sympathy for the children. I believe parents realize that the divorce will affect them, but I do not think parents realize just how great of an impact getting divorced will have. A divorce can affect you way more than you imagine.
Every family is different, so perhaps in some families divorce has not been too bad. But overall, I think more people are getting divorced than there should be. I know every case is different, but I think people are generally using divorce as an easy way out. And that is the thing. It is not an easy way out. A divorce is a long process. Families will never stop having to work through things, whether the parents are together or not.
My family had years of sadness and anger. Eventually it got better. But it has never been easy.
