Dear Diary,

Here I am again, a made up doll who gets pulled in so many different directions.

No one can understand the pain I am feeling inside.

It is clear I am just a piece of meat to Standford and all the men who work with him.

But to them, making me look sexy and putting makeup on while providing me with the devil’s juice and pills, that is all that makes them happy.

What a price I am paying!

Mama and Papa were right.

I am not sure why I did not leave while I had the chance.

Now, it is too late.

I must stay and play along.

Wow, I am starting to sound like a whining brat.

Damn it all too hell!

I don’t want people touching me and using me.

I want someone to care about me and love me.

But I can’t cry. I have to play along.

The makeup lady is here and she tells me she will make sure I look my best.

If only she knew how bad I feel.

Eliza Clark is slowing fading away. Rosaline Starr is what the crowd wants.

I suppose I should be thankful. I have everything I could possibly want. Right?

Wrong. I am not happy. Everyday Standford is asking for me to show more skin.

Now he is wanting that in my photos.

I heard him talking on the phone and saying he guaranteed I would be nude.

Nude? It was bad enough having all those pictures of me where I am completely topless.

If my family ever saw those... Oh goodness. What have I done?

As I stare at myself in the mirror, I don’t recognize who I am anymore. Why did I allow myself to get to this place?

Why is it so hard to break free?

Why do I let Standford push me around?

After all, I came to New York for me, not him. I got the job at the diner all on my own.

I am sure I could try and get it back and if not that one... Maybe I need to find another city and run away.

Damn it Eliza, who are you kidding?

I can’t go now. I am under contract with a new film company and Standford said I had about 3 years on it.

3 years? I am not sure I am going to survive it.

The thought of being trapped like this makes me sick.

The nightmares were pretty intense last night.

I wish Standford knew just how bad they got.

He was out cold and didn’t hear me.

Hmmm, this gives me an idea.

What if I left while he was sleeping?

I could take some of the pocket money I have and disappear.

Yes, that is right.

But will I be able to do it?

Well, as long as I keep it to myself who would find out?

I will see how it goes but for now, it is time to play along once again...

Eliza