I’m a planner. I enjoy planning the future: from the big things like where I hope we can live in ten years and my career goals, to the little things like what to have for dinner. When things are planned out, there is the sense of organization, which has a calming effect for me. The chaos of life can be a little less chaotic when things are planned out. A lot of people are planners. They like the sense of having a plan--a goal to work towards. There is the sense that they have control on where their lives are headed. And who doesn’t like to be in control of their own destiny?
Of course, whether or not you believe there is a Higher Power who has control of the universe, or you believe in fate or you believe everything happens by chance—the truth is that none of us have control over anything in our lives. Many times, I have seen how life is completely out of my hands. But every time, I feel overwhelmed and anxious about the fact that I can’t make anything go the way that I wish. I get depressed. I feel like a failure. Why can’t I keep my life together? Why can’t I do anything right? Why is this happening to me when I work so hard to keep everything together?
Each time my life takes an unexpected turn, I have these thoughts and feelings. When things have gotten out of my control, I tend to spiral into a deep pit of despair. Sometimes, I stay there for months, even years, wondering why I’m such a loser.
The thing is, I’ve never had control of my life. How can I, when my life is not my own? I can plan, and it’s good to plan goals for the future. But if the plans don’t pan out as I think they should, it doesn’t mean that I’m a failure. It doesn’t mean that I’ve done something wrong, either. It means that I’m human. Like everyone else in this world, I can’t make things go my way, no matter how much I want to. This really should be a comforting thought. Why? Because it means that the pressure is off of me. It’s off of all of us. We don’t have to work so hard to try to keep our lives in order. No matter how much we try, we will fail. The God of the universe takes care of all His creatures. It may feel like your world is spinning out of control, but take heart, God’s got it handled.
